How to Deal with Trauma: Useful Ways to Heal and Move On

How to treat childhood trauma in adults? Keep reading.

Trauma can be hard to handle. Here are some simple steps to help you cope.

1. Talk About Your Feelings: Share what you feel with someone you trust. It can help to express your emotions.

2. Practice Self-Care: Take care of your body and mind. Eat well, exercise, and get enough sleep.

3. Try Mindfulness: Focus on the present. Mindfulness exercises, like deep breathing, can calm your mind.

4. Set Small Goals: Take small steps to feel better. Set easy tasks that you can manage each day.

5. Seek Professional Help: If you need more support, talk to a therapist or counselor. They can guide you through your feelings.

6. Connect with Others: Spend time with friends or family. Support from loved ones can make a big difference.

Remember, healing takes time. Be patient with yourself.

Imagine Your Life is a House.

One day, without warning, a storm tears through, shattering windows, flooding rooms, ripping off the roof. You do your best to clean up, patch the walls, and move on... but the foundation? It’s cracked. And no matter how many throw pillows or fresh coats of paint you try, something always feels unstable. That’s what trauma does. It shakes you at the core, quietly, invisibly and healing means rebuilding from the inside out, not just covering the damage.

Trauma is more than a "bad memory" or a rough patch you’re supposed to get over. It rewires how you think, feel, and react. If you don’t understand it, you might spend years stuck in survival mode, feeling disconnected, exhausted, or like something’s “off.”

This guide breaks down what trauma actually is, how it impacts your body and mind, and most importantly how to start feeling better. Whether you're navigating the aftermath of childhood trauma, toxic relationships, or a recent traumatic event, you're in the right place.

What Is Trauma and How Does It Show Up?

Trauma can stem from one intense event, a series of painful experiences, or long-term exposure to emotional harm. Think: car accidents, betrayal, chronic neglect, emotional abuse, or unsafe home environments. Trauma doesn’t have to be dramatic to be damaging, sometimes it’s the slow, subtle erosion of your sense of safety.

Common Types of Trauma Events

• Acute Trauma: A one-time incident like an accident or assault that leaves a lasting emotional imprint.

• Chronic Trauma: Repeated exposure to distressing situations, such as bullying, domestic violence, or growing up in chaos.

• Complex Trauma: Layers of trauma, often from childhood and close relationships. It impacts identity, trust, and emotional regulation.

Recognizing the type of trauma you’ve experienced helps you find the support and strategies that actually work.

Can EMDR be done virtually? Yes, absolutely.

Signs You Might Be Dealing with Trauma & How To Cure Trauma

Trauma doesn’t always scream. Sometimes, it whispers through your habits, energy, and relationships. These symptoms can show up long after the trauma itself.

Mental and Emotional Signs

• Constant anxiety or dread

• Depression or emotional numbness

• Flashbacks, nightmares, or intrusive memories

• Disconnection from others or from yourself

• Overthinking, perfectionism, or trouble concentrating

Physical Symptoms

• Trouble sleeping or vivid nightmares

• Chronic fatigue or burnout

• Appetite swings (eating too much or not at all)

• Tight chest, racing heart, or muscle tension

If any of this sounds familiar, your nervous system may be stuck in a state of survival. And there are ways out.

Coping Skills for Trauma That Actually Help: Coping with a Traumatic Event

You don’t need a perfect morning routine or a year-long retreat. Start with real, doable tools that support your nervous system and help you feel safe again.

If trauma feels like crossing a wobbly rope bridge every day, adaptive coping strategies are like adding support beams underneath, tools like mindfulness, support systems, and journaling don’t erase the fear, but they make the crossing sturdier. In one study of emergency responders, folks constantly living in the red zone, those who used adaptive strategies like problem-solving and emotional expression had way fewer trauma symptoms. These tools actually worked to stabilize their minds (source).

1. Mindfulness and Grounding

Practices like deep breathing, meditation, or simply naming five things you see can help pull you out of fight-or-flight and into the present moment. Grounding is a core skill in trauma recovery, proven to reduce reactivity and improve emotional regulation (source).

2. Journaling

Expressive writing, without censorship, can help process difficult emotions. It also boosts trauma-coping self-efficacy, which is linked to better emotional outcomes and reduced PTSD symptoms (source). Try prompts like: “What am I holding in right now?” or “What does my body need from me today?”

3. Movement

Movement is medicine. Whether it's yoga, stretching, or a walk around the block, physical activity helps discharge stress hormones and regulate your nervous system. Studies show it plays a key role in managing occupational trauma and burnout, especially among first responders (source).

4. Sleep Hygiene

Quality sleep supports brain healing. A consistent nighttime routine, like reducing screen time, adding soft lighting, and using calming scents, can improve sleep and decrease trauma-related fatigue. Poor sleep is often tied to increased symptoms of PTSD and depression (source).

5. Boundaries

Boundaries protect your energy and teach your nervous system safety. Saying "no" to draining people or commitments is a powerful, adaptive coping mechanism that supports resilience and emotional stability (source).

Why It Matters

Avoidance, overworking, numbing out with food or substances, they feel like they work... until they don’t. It’s like slapping duct tape over a hole in a leaking boat. You might stay afloat for now, but the longer you wait to fix the real damage, the faster that emotional water floods in. Research from the NIH found that these “quick fix” strategies, especially when formed early from childhood trauma, actually lead to worse mental health outcomes long-term (source).

You’re taught to put your own oxygen mask on first, but when you're in survival mode, asking for help feels impossible, or even dangerous. The truth? Strong social support isn’t a bonus; it’s a lifeline. Research shows it doesn't just feel good, it literally helps your brain regulate stress better and recover faster from trauma (source).

How to Get Trauma Support That Actually Works

You can start coping with trauma, but you don’t have to do this alone. Overcoming a traumatic event becomes more effective and sustainable when you have the right support system. According to the National Center for Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, about 7 or 8 out of every 100 people will experience PTSD at some point in their lives (source).

Find a Trauma-Informed Therapist

Look for someone trained in:

• IFS (Internal Family Systems): Helps you explore the protective and wounded parts of yourself.

• EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing): Targets and processes traumatic memories

• CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy): Reframes distorted thoughts and builds emotional regulation

You can also explore therapy intensives if weekly sessions don’t feel like enough. Trauma intensives are a quick pass on how to move on from trauma. Read more about my intensive therapy options by clicking the link above.

Join a Support Group

Shared experience = less shame. Group support creates community and helps normalize what you’re going through.

Build a Personal Support System

You don’t need a crowd, just one or two people who truly get you. Safe connection is a powerful part of trauma healing.

How to Help Someone with Trauma (Without Making It Worse)

Supporting someone with trauma takes more than good intentions. Here's what actually helps:

• Listen without trying to fix

• Validate their emotions without judgment

• Avoid toxic positivity or minimizing statements

• Offer concrete help—like childcare, errands, or company during hard moments

• Respect their pace. Healing isn’t linear.

Moving On from Trauma Isn’t About Forgetting: How to deal with Trauma

Let’s be clear, healing isn’t about erasing the past. It’s about giving it less power. Trauma may be part of your story, but it doesn’t get to write the ending.

Start With This:

• Accept what happened – without shame or self-blame

• Stay present – using mindfulness, breathwork, or grounding tools

• Create forward momentum – by setting small, meaningful goals

These shifts build emotional trust with yourself. That’s where real resilience begins.

Final Thoughts: Trauma Recovery Is Possible

You’re not broken. You’re a human who’s been through too much, without the right tools or support.

That can change. You can feel lighter. You can trust yourself again. Let's get you the support for trauma that you need. There is trauma help available online in Pennsylvania and across Pennsylvania. We can learn together how to cope with a traumatic event.

I specialize in helping adults recover from toxic relationships, childhood trauma, and emotional burnout. If you're ready to stop surviving and start rebuilding, book a consultation today.

Because you don’t have to heal alone and the right kind of help changes everything.

Trauma therapist in Pittsburgh and across Pennsylvania. Accepting new clients for trauma intensives.

If you’re struggling to move forward from a toxic relationship, let’s work together. I offer online trauma therapy and intensives across Pittsburgh, Philadelphia, and all of Pennsylvania.

Join me on Facebook, Instagram, Pinterest, Google orTikTok for more educational tips & updates!

Disclaimer: Listen, what you see here on my blog or social media isn’t therapy, it’s meant to educate, inspire, and maybe even help you feel a little less alone. But if you’re in it right now and need real support, please reach out to a licensed therapist in your state who can walk alongside you in your healing journey. Therapy is personal, and you deserve a space that’s all about you. If you’re in PA and looking for a trauma therapist who gets it, I’m currently accepting new clients for trauma intensives. Let’s fast-track your healing journey, because you deserve to feel better, sooner.

About the Author: Mariah J. Zur, LPC is a trauma-informed therapist based in Pennsylvania, specializing in childhood trauma recovery, emotional healing, and helping individuals break free from toxic relationship patterns. With over 10 years of experience, Mariah uses evidence-based approaches like Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy and trauma intensives to guide her clients through their healing journey. Passionate about empowering women to reclaim their emotional freedom, Mariah provides virtual and in-person therapy in Pittsburgh, Philadelphia and across Pennsylvania. When she's not in the therapy room, she’s advocating for mental health awareness and supporting others in their personal transformation.

Research Brief Author: Mariah J. Zur, M.S., LPC, CCTP.

7 Powerful Steps to Set Boundaries with a Narcissist Without Losing Your Cool

“What does the narcissistic person need?” The answer is control, domination, power, admiration, and validation. How they go about getting that is where the narcissistic abuse comes in.”
― Dr. Ramani Durvasula

Why Is It So Hard to Set Boundaries with a Narcissist?

If you’ve ever found yourself saying, “Why do I keep tolerating this?” or “Why can’t I just walk away?”, you’re not alone. Clients often ask me, “Why do I let them push me around?” The answer often lies in the trauma (yep, complex childhood trauma) we’ve experienced and the ways we’ve learned to cope with it. How to set boundaries with a narcissist begins with setting the internal boundaries we’ve neglected within ourselves.

So, let’s stop focusing on their behavior and start exploring why you tolerate it. Trauma therapy can help you learn why you tolerate this dynamic and teach you to create space to honor your needs in a relationship.

7 Steps to Setting Internal Boundaries with a Narcissist

1. What Are You Actually Tolerating?

Clients often say to me in session, “I feel like I’m always walking on eggshells.” My response? Let’s dig deeper. What are you afraid will happen if you stop?

Internal boundary tip: Write down every moment you say “yes” when you want to say “no.” Start to recognize your patterns of self-abandonment. For example, when they demand your attention at the last minute and you cancel plans to accommodate them, ask yourself: “Why am I saying yes when I don’t want too?”

It could sound something like this…

I can acknowledge their needs without ignoring my own. The next time I feel pressured to say ‘yes,’ I will pause and check in with myself: ‘Is this something I genuinely want to do?’ If not, I will say, ‘I can’t do that right now.’”

This shift in focus isn’t about controlling their behavior; it’s about valuing your time and emotional energy. When you start honoring yourself, you reclaim your power, one decision at a time (and this is how to set boundaries with a narcissist). It starts with just making one small actionable change.

2. Are You Confusing Peacekeeping with People-Pleasing?

Do you think avoiding conflict is the same as maintaining peace? Many clients tell me, “I don’t want to upset them.”But this often means you’re giving up your needs for someone else’s comfort.

Internal boundary tip: Pause and ask yourself, “Am I honoring myself in this situation?” If not, what small actionable step can I take to honor myself right now? For example, if you’re constantly agreeing to their plans even though you are exhausted, you could say, “I can’t make it tonight, but let’s talk tomorrow.”

“I can set limits without being unkind. I will remind myself that honoring my needs doesn’t make me selfish, it makes me human and whole. The next time I feel the urge to say ‘yes’ just to avoid conflict, I will practice saying, ‘I need to think about it first.’”

This simple pause breaks the automatic habit of people-pleasing and helps you focus on respecting your own needs. By practicing the skill of shifting your mindset, you redefine what peace really means, which is balance, not self-sacrifice.

3. How Do You Define Respect for Yourself?

Respect isn’t just about how others treat you, it’s about how you treat yourself. One client shared, “They keep ignoring what I say, but I don’t want to cause drama.” My reply: “How would life feel if you treated your voice like it deserves to be heard?”

Internal boundary tip: Practice identifying one area where your voice needs to be heard, and start speaking up for it with kindness but firmness. It could be as simple as saying, “I need some quiet time right now,” or as powerful as saying, “I don’t agree with how this is being handled.”

“I will remind myself that my voice matters, even if it’s uncomfortable to use it. The next time I feel dismissed, I will say, ‘I hear your perspective, but here’s what’s important to me.’”

When you start respecting your own voice, you show people that you expect the same from them. It’s not about causing drama; it’s about creating a life where your needs and feelings hold equal weight.

4. Are You Prioritizing Clarity Over Closure?

A common trap is seeking to “make sense” of a narcissist’s behavior. “Why do they act like this?” clients ask me all the time… Here’s the truth, understanding them or their behavior won’t set you free. Understanding yourself will.

Internal boundary tip: Shift from “Why are they doing this?” to “Why am I still here?” Journaling for 5 minutes a day can be a powerful tool for reframing your thoughts.

“I don’t need to solve the mystery of their behavior. My energy is better spent understanding my own motivations and choices. I will ask myself, ‘What am I afraid of if I leave, and how can I face that fear?’”

Prioritizing your clarity over closure gives you the power to take back your life (and this is how to set boundaries with a narcissist). Instead of chasing answers about them bydoom scrolling TikTok videos on narcissism, you start building a future that centers your well-being.

5. Are You Protecting Your Energy Like Your Life Depends on It?

Narcissists thrive on draining others, but your energy is your most valuable resource in this situation.

Internal boundary tip: Visualize a mental boundary, like a glass wall, between you and the chaos. It’s not your job to absorb their energy. Focus on maintaining your own calm. Do things that keep you in check so you can respond with logic instead of emotion.

“I will stay level-headed by grounding myself before interactions. If they provoke me, I’ll remind myself, ‘Their chaos doesn’t have to become mine.’ Instead of engaging, I’ll calmly state my boundary and walk away if necessary.”

By focusing on your own calm and logic, you take back control of how you respond, rather than reacting to their attempts to ‘poke the bear’. Protecting your energy isn’t selfish, it’s survival and it’s necessary.

6. Are You Checking in with Your Inner Child?

Many clients find their tolerance for narcissistic behavior stems from unmet childhood needs (yep, complex childhood trauma). One client shared, “I don’t want to feel abandoned again.”

Internal boundary tip: Practice self-compassion. Imagine speaking to the younger version of yourself and reassure that inner child in you, “I’ve got you now and I won’t abandon us.”

“When I feel triggered by their behavior, I will pause and ask myself, ‘What does my inner child need in this moment?’ I will remind myself that I am no longer powerless and that I can provide the safety and care my younger self really needed.”

By honoring your inner child, you start to heal the patterns that keep you stuck in toxic relationships. This connection helps you set boundaries not out of fear, but from a place of self-worth and self-love.

7. Do You Have the Support You Deserve?

You don’t have to do this alone. Setting internal boundaries requires unlearning and healing. Trauma therapy creates the safe space you need to rebuild your sense of self and your confidence to honor it.

“I will remind myself that asking for help is a strength, not a weakness. I deserve it and it will help me honor myself to set the boundaries I need to thrive.”

With the right support system, whether it’s therapy, friends, co-workers or TikTok pages, you can gain the tools and confidence to not just set boundaries but to truly honor them. You deserve a life where your needs are prioritized, not dismissed.

What Trauma Therapy Can Do for You

Through trauma therapy, we work to unlearn the patterns that keep you stuck in unhealthy relationships. Instead of just managing the external chaos, we explore deep wounds and heal your inner world. Imagine if you could finally STOP overthinking and finally feeling grounded in who you are.

Ready to take the first step? I’m here to guide you. I’m Mariah (your trauma therapist) and I specialize in helping people like you heal from toxic relationships and reclaim their authentic selves.

Take Control of Your Healing

Click below to book a session or learn more about how trauma therapy can help you set boundaries and finally prioritize yourself. You deserve it!

www.zenwithzur.com

FAQ: Setting Boundaries with a Narcissist

Can a narcissist respect boundaries?

It’s unlikely unless it serves their needs or interests. That’s why setting internal boundaries will help you protect yourself emotionally.

How do I stop feeling guilty when setting boundaries?

Guilt often comes from old conditioning meaning we learned to experience this earlier in life. Temporary guilt is better than long-term resentment towards yourself or your partner.

What if they get angry when I set a boundary?

Their anger is not your responsibility. Your responsibility is honoring your needs, keeping yourself safe and staying calm.

Can trauma therapy help me deal with narcissistic relationships?

Absolutely. Trauma therapy helps you discover why you tolerate the behavior and gives you with tools to shift the dynamic.

What if I’m scared to set boundaries?

Fear is a normal human emotion. In therapy, we learn to take small actionable steps towards empowerment so you can build the confidence to assert yourself.