Trauma Therapy Explained
What is trauma therapy in Pittsburgh? Online trauma intensives in Pittsburgh and across Pennsylvania.
Table of Contents
Trauma Therapy Explained: What It Is, Why It’s Hard, and How Trauma-Informed Care Helps You Heal
Let’s be honest, when you start searching for trauma therapy, the jargon can feel almost as overwhelming as the healing itself.
Trauma-focused therapy. Trauma-informed care. Adult trauma therapy.
It’s enough to make your head spin when you’re already carrying a lot. You don’t need another page of psychobabble. You need someone to break it down for you, plain and simple. Keep reading, that’s what I am about to do for you.
What is Trauma-Focused Therapy?
Trauma-focused therapy is exactly what it sounds like: therapy that puts your trauma front and center instead of tiptoeing around it.
The goal isn’t to rehash every painful memory. It’s to help you understand how your trauma shaped you and give you real tools to heal. Therapists might use methods like EMDR, IFS (Internal Family Systems), or somatic work to help you process what happened, instead of just talking about it endlessly.
Instead of asking, “How does that make you feel?” a trauma-focused therapist might help you notice how your body tightens up when you talk about certain memories and guide you through releasing that tension safely.
And here’s why it matters:
Research shows that unresolved childhood trauma can lead to serious long-term impacts. For example, women with childhood trauma histories often experience a more severe course of bipolar disorder, leading to higher hospitalization rates (Şahin et al., 2021). That’s not just a small ripple effect, it's a tidal wave that can change the entire course of someone's adult life.
What is Trauma-Informed Therapy?
While trauma-focused therapy is a specific treatment style, trauma-informed therapy is a mindset every good therapist should have, no matter what you’re working on.
Trauma-informed care principles include:
Safety: You get to move at your own pace.
Trustworthiness: Your therapist keeps it real and transparent.
Peer support: You’re not treated like a “case” you’re seen as a human.
Collaboration: Your voice matters in every step of the process.
Empowerment: You’re not broken. You’re healing.
In trauma-informed therapy, you’re not pushed, judged, or rushed.
You're offered choices and respect because healing isn’t one-size-fits-all.
Example of trauma-informed care: Instead of forcing you to talk about something painful, a therapist might say, “We can pause here. Would you like to stay with this feeling, shift gears, or wrap up for today?”
This approach isn't just about feeling good in the moment.
It's about recognizing that early adverse experiences, like childhood abuse or neglect, can even impair cognitive functions like memory and attention later in life, even in otherwise healthy adults (Majer et al., 2010).
In other words: trauma affects how your brain works long after the danger is over. Yep, you read that right!
What is Trauma Therapy?
Trauma therapy is a bigger umbrella term that covers all kinds of healing work related to trauma. It can help you if you’re dealing with things like:
PTSD
Anxiety and panic attacks
Toxic relationship patterns
Childhood emotional neglect
Chronic overthinking, guilt, or shame
Good trauma therapy doesn’t just teach you how to "cope" better.
It helps you reconnect with yourself and rebuild the parts that trauma tried to tear down.
Here in Pittsburgh and across Pennsylvania, more clients are asking for therapists trained in trauma-informed care because they know that true healing needs more than just “tools” it needs a therapist who actually gets it.
And there’s another reason early support matters:
Studies show that the severity of childhood trauma directly increases the risk of developing serious health conditions later, including obesity and hypertension (Lee et al., 2014). It’s not "just in your head", your body carries the weight of trauma too.
Why is Trauma Therapy So Hard?
Here’s the honest answer most people don’t say out loud:
Trauma therapy is hard because it’s asking you to feel things you’ve spent your whole life trying not to feel.
It’s hard because your brain learned survival habits, like shutting down, people-pleasing, or dissociating, for a reason. When you start healing, you’re peeling those layers back. And sometimes, that hurts.
Hard doesn’t mean wrong, though.
With trauma-informed care examples like going slow, building trust, and celebrating tiny wins, the process becomes more human and less overwhelming. You don't have to bulldoze your way through it (even though your trauma is going to want you to have a plan to fix it fast, that’s normal). You’re allowed to heal at your own damn pace.
What is Trauma Therapy for Adults?
Trauma therapy for adults deals with the messy, complicated ways old wounds show up in your grown-up life.
Maybe you find yourself:
Attracting toxic partners over and over again
Freaking out over “small” things but feeling numb during “big” ones
Sabotaging success because part of you feels like you don't deserve it
Trauma therapy for adults focuses on helping you break free from patterns that aren’t your fault, but are your responsibility to heal now.
Using trauma-informed care 5 principles, safety, trust, peer support, collaboration, and empowerment, therapy can help you stop surviving and start living. Organizations like SAMHSA emphasize the importance of trauma-informed care principles across all healthcare settings, not just mental health.
You don’t have to be stuck in survival mode forever. There’s another way forward.
Signs You Might Benefit from Trauma Therapy
What is trauma therapy for adults?
You don't have to hit "rock bottom" to start healing.
If any of these sound familiar, trauma therapy could help:
You feel stuck repeating the same toxic patterns
You have a hard time trusting people (even if you want to)
You either feel too much or nothing at all
You struggle with anxiety, panic, or chronic stress
You feel exhausted by trying to "hold it all together" all the time
You intellectually know you’re safe, but your body still feels on edge
If you're nodding along, you're not broken. You’re in the right space and should probably book a FREE 15 minute call with me so we can get started. You’re just carrying old survival patterns that therapy can help untangle, safely, gently, and at your pace.
You’re Stronger Than You Think
If no one else has told you this yet: You’re not crazy for struggling. You’re courageous for even thinking about healing.
Whether you need trauma-informed care in Pittsburgh or you’re tuning in from across Pennsylvania, know this:
Healing is brutal & messy sometimes, but it’s also breathtaking.You don’t have to figure it out alone.
If you’re ready to work with someone who meets you with trauma-informed care, deep respect, and real talk, Book a free consultation today.
You deserve to feel safe in your own skin again.
FAQ Section: Trauma Therapy and Trauma-Informed Care
What are the five principles of trauma-informed care?
The five core principles are safety, trustworthiness, peer support, collaboration, and empowerment. These trauma-informed care principles guide how therapists create a healing environment that respects your pace and protects your dignity.
How does trauma therapy help adults heal from childhood trauma?
Trauma therapy helps adults recognize and unlearn survival patterns they developed as children. It rebuilds trust in themselves and others, helping them feel safer, calmer, and more connected — not just survive, but actually thrive.
What’s the difference between trauma-focused therapy and trauma-informed therapy?
Trauma-focused therapy is a direct treatment targeting trauma itself (like EMDR or IFS). Trauma-informed therapy, meanwhile, is an overall approach that respects trauma’s impact but doesn’t necessarily focus only on trauma in every session.
Why is trauma therapy so emotionally difficult?
Healing often means facing feelings you learned to avoid just to survive. Trauma therapy gently reintroduces those emotions with new tools, creating space for you to experience them safely, without judgment or overwhelm.
Can trauma therapy improve physical health too?
Yes. Studies show trauma therapy can lower risks associated with childhood trauma, such as metabolic syndrome, hypertension, and chronic stress-related illnesses. Healing your mind often leads to healing your body too.
Why is Trauma Therapy So Hard? Online trauma intensives in Pittsburgh and across Pennsylvania.
If you’re struggling to move forward from a toxic relationship, let’s work together. I offer virtual trauma therapy and intensives across Pittsburgh, Philadelphia, and all of Pennsylvania.
Join me on Facebook, Instagram, Pinterest, Google orTikTok for more educational tips & updates!
Disclaimer: Listen, what you see here on my blog or social media isn’t therapy, it’s meant to educate, inspire, and maybe even help you feel a little less alone. But if you’re in it right now and need real support, please reach out to a licensed therapist in your state who can walk alongside you in your healing journey. Therapy is personal, and you deserve a space that’s all about you. If you’re in PA and looking for a trauma therapist who gets it, I’m currently accepting new clients for trauma intensives. Let’s fast-track your healing journey, because you deserve to feel better, sooner.
About the Author: Mariah J. Zur, LPC is a trauma-informed therapist based in Pennsylvania, specializing in childhood trauma recovery, emotional healing, and helping individuals break free from toxic relationship patterns. With over 10 years of experience, Mariah uses evidence-based approaches like Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy and trauma intensives to guide her clients through their healing journey. Passionate about empowering women to reclaim their emotional freedom, Mariah provides virtual and in-person therapy in Pittsburgh, Philadelphia and across Pennsylvania. When she's not in the therapy room, she’s advocating for mental health awareness and supporting others in their personal transformation.
Research Brief Author: Mariah J. Zur, M.S., LPC, CCTP.
How Childhood Trauma Affects Adulthood: Breaking Free from Emotional Survival Mode with IFS Therapy
How do I know if I have repressed memories from childhood trauma? Keep reading.
How Childhood Trauma Affects Adulthood
You may have had the perfect childhood on paper, good grades, a stable home, and everything you physically needed. But beneath the surface, you knew something wasn’t right, something was off, you just couldn’t put your thumb on it. Anxiety, self-doubt, and emotional overload were your constant companions. If this resonates with you, you’re not alone. Childhood trauma often lurks in the shadows, quietly affecting our lives long after we leave home. It’s time to stop ignoring the emotional weight of the past and start healing. As explained by The Trauma and Mental Health Report, unresolved childhood trauma can deeply affect emotional regulation, making it challenging for adults to manage stress and form healthy relationships. So, let’s get into understanding how this is impacting you as an adult.
In this post, we’ll talk about how childhood trauma, often overlooked and unaddressed, shows up in adulthood, why it’s so impactful, and how therapy, particularly IFS (Internal Family Systems), can help break the cycle of trauma. You’ll also learn how trauma intensives can get you where you want to be in your healing journey, as soon as one day not months of therapy.
The Hidden Epidemic: Understanding the Impact of Childhood Trauma
What is trauma treatment? Keep reading.
What is Childhood Trauma?
Childhood trauma isn't always what you think. It can show up in a variety of ways, emotional neglect, physical abuse, or exposure to unhealthy home dynamics. Unfortunately, many of these experiences go unnoticed, especially when we’re expected to “just move on” or “brush things under the rug.” But those experiences leave deep emotional scars (often the ones we can’t put our finger on but we feel off"), and often, repressed memories of these events continue to affect us in adulthood. It shows up like failed or toxic relationships and overextending yourself at work or in relationships. Research from the National Institute of Mental Health shows that childhood trauma is a significant risk factor for developing PTSD and other mental health disorders later in life, highlighting the importance of early intervention and healing.
So, what if you’re 40 and reading this? It’s never too late to start healing. Honestly, it’s better to start now than be 60, looking back and thinking, ‘What the hell did I just do with my life?’ Because, in reality, you’ve probably been surviving, not really living, and you might not have fully realized it yet. I see it all the time in my therapy room with women just like you. It’s never too late to wake up and start living the life you deserve.
How Does Trauma Affect Adults?
As a child, you might not have the tools or vocabulary to process the pain you felt or even realize what was happening, and as an adult, that unaddressed trauma can carry over into everyday life. You may struggle with chronic anxiety, people-pleasing behavior, or feeling emotionally disconnected from those around you. It’s no wonder you feel stuck. These are some of the common ways childhood trauma affects adults and they can affect every part of your life, from relationships to mental health.
Key Signs of Childhood Trauma in Adulthood
Here are some of the common signs:
Emotional numbness: You might feel disconnected from your emotions or others.
Chronic fatigue: You’re constantly exhausted, both physically and mentally, from suppressing emotional pain.
A constant need for approval: If you struggle to feel accepted or “good enough,” it’s likely connected to unresolved trauma.
How Does Adult Attachment Styles Impact Trauma Recovery?
Research shows that people who experience childhood abuse or neglect are more likely to develop insecure attachment styles as adults. These insecure attachments, such as anxious or avoidant tendencies, often make it harder to heal from trauma. These attachment patterns can keep you locked in unhealthy cycles, perpetuating trauma in your relationships and emotional well-being. Fortunately, therapy, particularly IFS, can help you heal these attachment wounds, creating healthier emotional connections and breaking free from the grip of past trauma.
A recent study involving survivors of multiple childhood traumas explored the effectiveness of Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy in treating Posttraumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD).
IFS Therapy for PTSD: The study found that IFS therapy was effective in reducing PTSD symptoms among individuals with a history of multiple childhood traumas.
Mechanism of Action: IFS therapy helps individuals identify and address different parts of themselves, facilitating healing by integrating these parts and resolving internal conflicts.
Implications for Treatment: The findings suggest that IFS therapy can be a valuable treatment option for those suffering from PTSD due to complex childhood trauma.
Yes you read that right, IFS THerapy can help you start living your life instead of just surviving and going through the motions.
Repressed Memories: The Silent Burden of Childhood Trauma
What Are Repressed Memories?
Repressed memories are pieces of your past that your brain “locks away” to protect you from overwhelming emotional pain. You know, that heavy weight you’re constantly carrying that you can't put down, where every day is a struggle to manage the deep, unspoken hurt that affects every part of your life. But just because these memories are hidden doesn’t mean they’re not impacting you. In fact, they can resurface unexpectedly, often triggered by situations, people, or even physical sensations you don’t fully understand.
How Do Repressed Memories Impact Adult Behavior?
Repressed memories don’t just disappear. They can show up as sudden bursts of anger, anxiety, or sadness that seem out of place. These memories may affect your ability to trust others, feel safe, or connect emotionally with those around you. It’s common for people who’ve experienced childhood trauma to feel “stuck” in emotional survival mode, trying to protect themselves without even realizing the source of the pain.
How Repressed Memories Affected Me
I grew up in a home where I had everything I physically needed, good grades, married parents who were both employed, played sports year round. But emotionally, I felt unseen, unsupported. It wasn’t until my adult years that I started really started to look in the mirror and acknowledge my memories of feeling invisible, and those memories impacted how I connected with others. TONS OF TOXIC RELATIONSHIPS. Repressed memories aren't just forgotten, they haunt you until you address them. Emotional neglect can have lasting effects, which is why it's crucial to address it head-on. If you want to read more on how emotional neglect shapes your emotional health, check out my blog on understanding the effects of emotional neglect.
The Impact of Social Participation
Recent studies suggest that childhood adversity, like emotional neglect, often leads to depression in adulthood. Interestingly, social participation, such as spending time with friends or engaging in community activities, can help alleviate some of these depressive feelings. However, the key is balance. Excessive social engagement can trigger past trauma, while healthy, supportive connections help to reduce its impact. Therapy, including IFS, can help you navigate these complex social dynamics and heal from the emotional scars of your past.
A recent study involving 6,704 older adults examined how childhood adversity influences depression in later life and the role of social participation in this relationship.
Childhood Adversity and Depression: Individuals who experienced childhood adversity, such as poor family economic situations, caregiver depression, or lack of neighborhood support, were more likely to suffer from depression in older age.
Dose-Response Effect: The study found a "dose-response" effect, meaning that the more types of childhood adversity an individual experienced, the higher their depression scores in later life.
Social Participation as a Moderator: Engaging in social activities like visiting friends, participating in community events, or playing games helped reduce the negative impact of childhood adversity on depression. However, excessive social participation could exacerbate depression, especially if it triggered negative childhood memories.
Why I Understand and Am So Passionate About Helping Women Heal from Childhood Trauma
Why does childhood trauma affect adulthood? Keep reading. A trauma therapist explaining her own childhood trauma and how she healed through IFS therapy & trauma intensives.
Growing up, everything looked fine on the outside. Good grades, a roof over my head, and all the things people would think made up the perfect childhood. But on the inside? I was a mess. Anxiety, self-doubt, and emotional neglect were my constant companions, yet no one ever noticed. I was expected to be perfect, to keep it all together, to meet everyone else’s needs, but I didn’t even know who I was or how to ask for help. The disconnect between the perfect image I projected and the chaos I felt inside caused me years of struggles, emotionally and in my relationships.
It wasn’t until later in life, after years of working in mental health and doing my own healing, that I finally understood how deeply childhood trauma shapes us. It’s not just about surviving, it’s about really feeling, understanding, and healing the wounds that have been buried for so long. It’s a messy, sometimes painful journey. And that’s why I’m so passionate about helping women like me. Women who’ve been holding it together for everyone else while quietly falling apart inside.
Now, through trauma intensives, I’m able to guide others through this messy healing process. I help women break free from that constant emotional survival mode and really start to heal from the inside out. I’m not here to promise it will be easy, I’m here to help you face your trauma, navigate through it, and find real emotional freedom. Using tools like Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy, we’ll dig into the parts of you that have been holding onto pain you didn’t even realize was still there. Whether in person or virtually across Pennsylvania, I’m here to walk beside you as you reclaim your true self and create the emotional freedom you’ve been craving.
How is your childhood trauma impacting you? Take the quiz by clicking this link.
IFS Therapy: The Key to Healing Childhood Trauma
What is IFS Therapy?
Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy views the mind as made up of different "parts," each representing different aspects of your psyche. These parts could include the “Inner Child,” “Protector,” or “Critic.” For those with childhood trauma, IFS helps identify and heal these parts, allowing you to integrate them and create a healthier, more balanced internal system. Read more about how I use this approach in my sessions.
How IFS Therapy Helps Heal Childhood Trauma
IFS works by recognizing the parts of you that are still carrying childhood wounds. The "Inner Child" may still feel neglected or misunderstood. The “Protector” part may have develoeped to shield you from pain. IFS helps you gently unblend from these parts and heal the underlying childhood trauma. In doing so, it allows you to reconnect with your authentic self.
According to the American Psychological Association, understanding the effects of childhood trauma and its impact on brain development is crucial in creating effective treatment strategies for those affected by past trauma. I guide you through this by providing some education in our sessions to help you make sense of what has really been happening (probably most of your life).
What is parts work in therapy? Keep reading.
My Journey with IFS Therapy
For me, IFS therapy helped me meet my “Inner Child” and finally provide the care she had missed. It wasn’t about addressing the perfectionist part of me, it was about integrating and healing the parts that had been neglected for so long. IFS and trauma intensives allowed me to reconnect with the parts of myself that had been hiding for years and start the process of real healing. I made a dramatic shift in my identity and life choices after 1 month of a trauma intensive.
If you’re ready to begin your healing journey, I offer trauma intensives online in Pennsylvania and individual therapy across PA to help you process and move past childhood trauma, using trauma-informed approaches like IFS therapy.
Trauma Intensives: Why Focused Healing Works
What are trauma intensives? Keep reading.
What Are Trauma Intensives?
Trauma intensives are longer therapy sessions that focus on deep healing in a condensed amount of time (3, 4 or 5 hour formats). My intensives combine IFS therapy, mindfulness, somatic techniques, and trauma-focused interventions to speed up the healing process.
How Trauma Intensives Accelerate Healing
Unlike traditional therapy, which may take years to have significant breakthroughs, trauma intensives offer focused, immersive experiences that facilitate rapid shifts in your healing. These sessions allow you to address unresolved trauma quickly, helping you make emotional breakthroughs that may have otherwise taken months or years in regular therapy.
Why You Should Consider a Trauma Intensive
If you’re feeling stuck in patterns that you are self-aware of (usually, childhood trauma), trauma intensives offer an effective way to break free from old emotional patterns in just one intensive. By dedicating several hours to intensive work, you can address long-held pain in a concentrated setting, leading to faster healing and emotional clarity.
Getting Started: Your First Steps Towards Healing
Identifying Your Trauma
Start by reflecting on your childhood experiences and identifying the pain you’re still carrying. It’s important to acknowledge the emotional pain you’ve experienced. Journaling or speaking with a therapist can help uncover those buried memories. It’s common to not remember much of your childhood due to childhood trauma. I’ll unpack this in a future blog. From a trauma perspective, it makes sense!
How to Use IFS Therapy for Healing
IFS encourages you to identify the "parts" of yourself that are still holding onto trauma, such as the “Perfectionist” or “Avoidant” parts. By unblending from these protective parts, you can begin healing your wounded inner child and reclaim your sense of self.
If you’ve read this far and are curious how IFS therapy can help you, you should probably book that free consult now or keep reading…
Practical Tips to Start Healing from Childhood Trauma
Practice mindfulness to ground yourself in the present moment and connect with your emotions. And let me guess, you probably hate sitting still or the thought of meditation makes you cringe. Yep, that’s normal when you have trauma!
Try journaling with prompts like, "What messages about myself did I internalize as a child?"
Consider booking a trauma intensive to start healing your past trauma. Imagine feeling in control of yourself rather than your emotions running the show, it would feel good, right? It’s possible.
FAQ: Answering Your Questions
What is Childhood Trauma, and How Does It Affect Adulthood?
Childhood trauma can shape who you become as an adult. It can lead to issues like emotional numbness, anxiety, and people-pleasing behavior, which continue into adulthood. Healing is possible with the right support.
How Do I Know If I Have Repressed Childhood Memories?
Repressed memories can be challenging to identify. If you notice emotional triggers or physical sensations without an apparent cause, it could be a sign of repressed memories. Therapy, like IFS, can help uncover and heal these memories.
What is IFS Therapy, and How Can It Help with Childhood Trauma?
IFS therapy is an approach that helps you heal from trauma by identifying and integrating the "parts" of yourself that hold the pain. It is particularly effective for childhood trauma, as it helps to reparent and heal the wounded inner parts.
Can Trauma Intensives Help in Healing from Childhood Trauma?
Yes, trauma intensives offer a healing experience that accelerates the emotional processing of deep-rooted trauma. These sessions allow for faster breakthroughs, often resulting in quicker emotional recovery.
Is It Possible to Heal from Childhood Trauma as an Adult?
Yes, healing from childhood trauma is entirely possible as an adult. With the right therapy, like IFS or trauma intensives, you can reconnect with the wounded parts of yourself and begin to heal.
Why is childhood trauma seen as the hidden epidemic? Schedule now to work with me!
If you’re struggling to move forward from a toxic relationship, let’s work together. I offer virtual trauma therapy and intensives across Pittsburgh, Philadelphia, and all of Pennsylvania.
Join me on Facebook, Instagram, Pinterest, Google orTikTok for more educational tips & updates!
Disclaimer: Listen, what you see here on my blog or social media isn’t therapy, it’s meant to educate, inspire, and maybe even help you feel a little less alone. But if you’re in it right now and need real support, please reach out to a licensed therapist in your state who can walk alongside you in your healing journey. Therapy is personal, and you deserve a space that’s all about you. If you’re in PA and looking for a trauma therapist who gets it, I’m currently accepting new clients for trauma intensives. Let’s fast-track your healing journey, because you deserve to feel better, sooner.
Research Brief Author: Mariah J. Zur, M.S., LPC, CCTP
About the Author: Mariah J. Zur, LPC is a trauma-informed therapist based in Pennsylvania, specializing in childhood trauma recovery, emotional healing, and helping individuals break free from toxic relationship patterns. With over 10 years of experience, Mariah uses evidence-based approaches like Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy and trauma intensives to guide her clients through their healing journey. Passionate about empowering women to reclaim their emotional freedom, Mariah provides virtual and in-person therapy in Pittsburgh, Philadelphia and across Pennsylvania. When she's not in the therapy room, she’s advocating for mental health awareness and supporting others in their personal transformation.
What is "Parts" Therapy? Internal Family Systems Explained for Trauma Healing
Are you tired of feeling like you're stuck in an endless loop of toxic relationships and emotional exhaustion? You’re not alone. Many of us repeat patterns, ask the same questions, and never get the answers we need. That’s where Parts Therapy, also known as Internal Family Systems (IFS), comes in.
IFS therapy isn’t just about talking through your feelings. It's about understanding the different parts of yourself that influence your emotions, thoughts, and behaviors. And once you understand these parts, you can finally start to heal. In this blog, we’ll dive into what IFS therapy is, how it helps with trauma healing, and how it can change the way you relate to yourself and others.
What is Internal Family Systems (IFS) Therapy?
Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy is more than just a therapy method; it’s a transformative way of understanding your mind. Developed by Dr. Richard Schwartz, IFS is built on the idea that we’re all made up of different "parts", aspects of our personality, emotions, and behaviors that interact with each other like members of a family.
If you've ever felt like parts of you are in conflict, where one part wants to move forward but another part keeps pulling you back, IFS therapy can help. It helps identify and heal the managers, exiles, and firefighters inside you, leading to emotional clarity and balance.
The Concept of "Parts" in IFS Therapy
Each of us has different parts contributing to our thinking, feeling, and behaving. These parts can help us navigate life or keep us stuck in old patterns. The key parts in IFS therapy include:
Managers: These parts try to control our lives and avoid emotional pain. They might push you to be perfect or control situations to avoid feeling vulnerable.
Exiles: These parts hold onto the pain and trauma we've experienced in the past. They are often hidden or repressed to protect us from the overwhelming emotions they carry.
Firefighters: These parts react when we’re overwhelmed, often using coping mechanisms like distraction, anger, or avoidance. They can keep us from facing complicated feelings and make it harder to move forward.
When these parts conflict, it creates inner chaos. IFS therapy helps you understand these parts, harmonize them, and work together for your emotional well-being.
How IFS Therapy Helps with Trauma Healing
Trauma isn’t just something that happens to us; it lives within us. It’s stored in our Exiles, hidden from our conscious mind but still affecting our emotional responses and behavior. That’s why IFS therapy is so powerful; it helps bring those hidden wounds to the surface, allowing us to process and heal them. IFS therapy has revolutionized the way I understand the work I do in trauma healing. You can learn more about the method and its effects at Psychology Today.
Why Trauma Gets Stuck in Our Parts
Trauma is often stored in Exile parts, which are too painful to deal with directly. These parts hide the memories, emotions, and beliefs tied to the trauma. When we don’t process this trauma, it doesn’t go away. It continues to affect us, even if we’re not consciously aware of it.
How Working with Parts Unblocks Emotional Exhaustion
By identifying and healing these Exile parts, IFS therapy helps you release the trauma they’ve been holding onto. As you work through these layers, the Managers and Firefighters shift, making you feel less emotionally exhausted and more balanced. Parts work therapy is an essential tool for anyone carrying emotional weight and ready to let go of the past. You can explore parts therapy and its psychological impacts on self-development at the IFS Institute.
The Role of the "Self" in Internal Family Systems Therapy
The true magic of IFS therapy comes when we connect with our Self, the calm, centered, compassionate part of us that leads the internal system. The Self differs from the other parts; it’s not driven by trauma or emotional overwhelm. For more on how our IFS is a game changer for medicine, psychiatry, and a spiritual path, check out this article from a leading psychiatrist, Lissa Rankin, MD.
How the "Self" Leads the System Towards Healing
The Self can heal and integrate the parts of us that are wounded, overwhelmed, or reactive. Once you can access your Self, it can lead your parts with compassion, bringing emotional harmony and peace. This is the essence of IFS therapy, helping you heal from the inside out, using your Self as the leader.
How IFS Therapy Improves Relationships
IFS therapy doesn’t just heal you internally, and it can also improve your relationships with others. Understanding your internal parts and how they affect your behavior makes it easier to communicate, set boundaries, and be emotionally present with others.
Understanding Your Parts for Better Communication
Let’s face it: we all have triggers. Maybe a conversation with a loved one sends you into a defensive mode, or you withdraw because you feel vulnerable. In these moments, your Firefighter or Manager is likely taking control. IFS therapy helps you recognize these parts and respond from your Self, leading to more productive and compassionate conversations.
Navigating Conflicts by Integrating Parts in Relationships
When both people in a relationship understand their internal parts, it becomes easier to navigate conflicts. Rather than reacting to each other’s triggers, you can engage from a place of understanding and compassion. IFS therapy helps you break down barriers, resolve conflicts, and build stronger, healthier relationships.
How IFS Therapy Helps with Trauma Healing
In a study published in the Journal of Aggression, Maltreatment & Trauma, researchers looked at how IFS therapy can help people with PTSD, especially those who’ve had difficult childhood experiences. Here are three key points from the study:
IFS therapy helped reduce PTSD symptoms in people who had experienced multiple traumas, showing it can be effective for serious trauma recovery.
Participants felt more in control of their emotions and reactions after going through IFS therapy, which is key in healing trauma.
The study suggests that IFS can be a valuable tool for therapy, offering a new way to deal with deep emotional pain from the past.
You can read the full study and learn more about how IFS therapy works for trauma recovery here: Study on IFS for PTSD Treatment.
Getting Started with Parts Therapy
If you’re ready to start your healing journey with IFS therapy, here’s how you can begin:
What to Expect in an IFS Therapy Session
In an IFS therapy session, your therapist will help you explore your internal world and identify the different parts of yourself. Together, you’ll discover which parts hold onto past trauma and work toward healing them. You’ll learn how to lead your parts with your Self through compassion and understanding.
Practical Steps for Connecting with Your Parts
Even outside of therapy, there are simple ways to start connecting with your parts:
Notice when you're triggered: Pay attention to your emotional reactions during difficult situations.
Ask, "What part of me is feeling this?": Naming the part helps you create emotional distance and gain insight into what’s going on internally.
Use self-compassion: Treat yourself with kindness as you work through your emotions and experiences.
FAQs
What is parts work in therapy?
Parts work in therapy, also known as Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy, involves working with the different parts of your personality. These parts influence your thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. IFS therapy identifies and heals these parts, such as Managers, Exiles, and Firefighters, to restore emotional balance and resolve past trauma. This therapeutic approach is practical in trauma healing and emotional exhaustion by helping individuals reconnect with their true selves and heal emotional wounds.
How does Internal Family Systems therapy work?
Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy works by helping you identify and understand the parts of yourself that influence your emotions and behaviors. It focuses on:
Managers: Parts that try to control your life and avoid pain.
Exiles: Parts that hold onto trauma and painful memories.
Firefighters: Parts that react impulsively to emotional pain.
By accessing your Self, the calm and compassionate leader within, IFS therapy helps you bring harmony to these parts, heal past trauma, and create lasting emotional balance and recovery.
What are the different parts of IFS therapy?
In IFS therapy, there are three main types of parts:
Managers: These parts manage your day-to-day life, often trying to avoid emotional pain by controlling situations.
Exiles: These parts carry the emotional burden of past trauma and are often repressed to protect the system.
Firefighters: These parts react to emotional overwhelm by using coping mechanisms like avoidance or numbing.
These parts play a crucial role in shaping your emotional life, and IFS therapy helps you understand and heal them for better emotional health and recovery.
How does parts therapy help with trauma healing?
Parts therapy, or IFS therapy, helps heal trauma by addressing the Exile parts that hold onto painful memories and emotions. These parts often carry unresolved trauma, which can lead to emotional exhaustion and harmful patterns in life. Through IFS therapy, you can identify and heal these Exiles, releasing their emotional burden. By restoring balance to your internal system, parts therapy promotes trauma healing, emotional freedom, and overall well-being. Read more about how I use parts work in my trauma intensives to heal years of trauma.
Can I use IFS therapy to improve relationships?
Yes, IFS therapy is efficacious in improving relationships. By understanding your internal parts (like Managers and Firefighters), you can:
Identify emotional triggers in conflicts.
Respond from a place of calm and compassion instead of reacting impulsively.
Build healthier, more balanced relationships by engaging from your Self, the compassionate leader within.
IFS therapy enables you to communicate more effectively, understand your partner’s needs, and resolve conflicts healthily and compassionately.
“If you’re still reading, something’s resonating. Let’s take this journey together and see if I’m the right therapist to help you break free from the cycle and start healing—because you deserve more than just surviving, you deserve to thrive.”
My Journey to Understanding Parts Work: A Raw, Human Story of Healing
Honestly, I spent years trying to figure out why my relationships kept falling apart. There I was, in yet another toxic relationship, asking myself, Why am I always the common denominator in my failed relationships? I had been cheated on, disrespected, and hurt, but still, I kept going back, thinking maybe this time would be different.
It wasn’t until I discovered Internal Family Systems (IFS) that things began to click. I finally realized I wasn’t the problem; my parts were. I had spent so much time intellectualizing my pain, trying to be the perfect partner, the one who could fix everything. But I was ignoring the parts of myself that had been hurt, dismissed, and never fully healed.
Here’s the thing: I’ve always been self-aware. I could analyze my feelings, dissect my emotions, and trace back every pattern, but I never felt them. I was stuck in my head. I wasn’t experiencing my emotions fully, and because of that, I couldn’t heal.
Combining IFS work with somatic work was the turning point for me. It helped me understand what was happening inside. I learned to feel my feelings, not just understand them. I stopped intellectualizing my pain and started allowing myself to experience it. This wasn’t just therapeutic theory. This was transformative. I finally addressed the parts of me that had been carrying all this emotional weight for years, and through that, I began to heal.
And that healing journey? It’s been life-changing not just for me, but for my clients too.
Why I’m Passionate About Helping Others Heal from Complex Trauma
Now, I work with people, especially perfectionists, who are good girls who are burnt out and exhausted. These high achievers are stuck, feeling like there’s more to life, but never quite getting there. The perfectionism, the expectations they place on themselves, and the guilt of trying to do it all hold them back.
But I get it. I’ve been there. I understand the frustration of feeling like you're running in circles, but never getting anywhere. I know the exhaustion of feeling like you’re giving everything, but still not feeling fulfilled. IFS therapy and trauma intensives gave me the tools I needed to get unstuck, and now I use those same tools to help my clients do the same.
I can say, with absolute confidence, that you can get unstuck. You don’t have to keep running in circles. There is another way forward. The right tools, like IFS therapy, can bring you that healing and peace you’ve been longing for, just like it did for me.
If you’re struggling to move forward from a toxic relationship, let’s work together. I offer virtual trauma therapy and intensives across Pittsburgh, Philadelphia, and all of Pennsylvania.
Join me on Facebook, Instagram, Pinterest, Google orTikTok for more educational tips & updates!
Disclaimer: Listen, what you see here on my blog or social media isn’t therapy, it’s meant to educate, inspire, and maybe even help you feel a little less alone. But if you’re in it right now and need real support, please reach out to a licensed therapist in your state who can walk alongside you in your healing journey. Therapy is personal, and you deserve a space that’s all about you. If you’re in PA and looking for a trauma therapist who gets it, I’m currently accepting new clients for trauma intensives. Let’s fast-track your healing journey, because you deserve to feel better, sooner.
Research Brief Author: Mariah J. Zur, M.S., LPC, CCTP
Therapy Intensives vs. Weekly Therapy: Which Is Right for You?
If you’ve been googling mental health therapy options because you’re tired, burned out, and stuck in toxic relationship patterns—you're not alone. Whether you’re considering weekly therapy or curious about therapy intensives, understanding which option suits your needs can feel overwhelming. Many people find themselves submitting to weekly therapy or opting for therapy intensives. Each method offers unique benefits, but how can you are torn between to determine which is the best fit for your needs?
This post breaks down the real differences between therapy intensives and weekly therapy so you can make an informed, empowered choice and finally get the support you need to start feeling like yourself again.
What Are Therapy Intensives and Who Are They For?
Therapy intensives are extended, concentrated therapy sessions that typically range from 3 to 5 hours (done in a single day or over several days). Rather than spreading out your healing week by week, you get to into the nitty gritty of your problems, fast.
They’re designed for people who are ready to get to the root of things now, whether that’s trauma, toxic relationship patterns, or chronic emotional exhaustion.
Research indicates that therapy intensives can be particularly effective for conditions such as PTSD and phobias, offering accelerated symptom relief compared to traditional weekly sessions. For a detailed exploration of this topic, consider reading "How Effective Are Therapy Intensives?" by Hannah Holmes.
Benefits of Therapy Intensives:
Accelerated healing: You can make months’ worth of progress in a short amount of time.
Focused time to go deep: No stopping just as you’re getting to the good stuff.
Less disruption: Perfect if you don’t have time or energy for weekly sessions long-term.
Ideal for busy professionals: Instead of rearranging your schedule every week, you block out one or two days to do the deep work.
“Therapy intensives are ideal for those who want to make fast, meaningful progress, especially in crisis situations or when they need to overcome deeper mental health challenges.”
Potential Limitations:
Can feel emotionally intense: You’re doing a lot in a short time, so it’s important to have post-intensive support.
Not always covered by insurance: Many therapy intensives are private pay due to their format.
Requires clear scheduling upfront: If your life is chaotic right now, carving out several hours may feel hard (but also… might be what you actually need).
Learn more about my trauma therapy intensives and how they help emotionally exhausted women break toxic patterns fast.
Who Benefits Most From Therapy Intensives?
Therapy intensives are especially powerful for busy, emotionally exhausted women who carry the weight of the world on their shoulders—but have no space to process it.
If you're a:
Busy mom who spends every ounce of energy on others and never has time for yourself
Attorney, doctor, or medical professional balancing demanding schedules, long shifts, and high pressure
Pilot or shift worker with inconsistent hours that make weekly sessions unrealistic
Entrepreneur or business owner who needs efficient, results-driven support
…then a therapy intensive could be your lifeline.
You don’t have time to slowly chip away at the surface, you need to dig deep, feel a shift, and walk away with clarity and next steps.
Therapy intensives are built for people like you: those who are emotionally exhausted, overextended, and desperate for change—but don’t want to waste time. You’re self-aware, you’ve read all the books, listened to the podcasts, maybe even done therapy before. But you’re still stuck.
This is your fast track to getting unstuck.
“Are you looking for quick, intensive work to overcome a specific issue? A therapy
intensive might be the best choice. Do you prefer a slower, more gradual approach to healing? Weekly sessions might be more appropriate.”
Busy professionals often find that longer therapy sessions fit better into their schedules and allow for more profound work. Insights into this approach are discussed in "Why 2-4 Hour Therapy Intensives Beat the Weekly 53-Minute Model" by Adapt PDX.
What Is Weekly Therapy and How Does It Work?
Weekly therapy is the traditional format most people are familiar with—50-60 minute sessions once a week, over several months (or even years). It offers steady, consistent support as you process your experiences.
Benefits of Weekly Therapy:
Ongoing support: A regular check-in to help you stay grounded and focused.
Gentle pace: If you’re new to therapy or not ready to dig deep yet, this gives you time to build trust and ease into the work.
Gradual change: Ideal if you need time to reflect and apply what you’re learning week to week.
Potential Limitations:
Slower progress: If you’re in crisis or stuck in a loop, it might feel like you’re spinning your wheels.
Harder to stay on track: Life gets busy. Missed sessions or shallow check-ins can slow your momentum.
Can prolong pain: If you're feeling desperate for change, one hour a week might not cut it.
Therapy Intensives vs. Weekly Therapy: Pros and Cons
Let’s keep it real: there’s no one-size-fits-all answer. But here are a few things to consider when deciding between therapy intensives and weekly therapy:
Therapy Intensives Might Be Better If:
You feel stuck and need major clarity fast.
You want big shifts and deeper healing in less time.
You’re ready to face your past, process the pain, and move forward.
Your schedule is chaotic or unpredictable, and committing weekly feels impossible.
You already know what’s wrong but don’t know how to break the pattern.
You’ve tried weekly therapy before but need to go deeper, faster.
Weekly Therapy Might Be Better If:
You prefer a slower, more gradual healing process.
You’re not emotionally ready to open up all at once.
You feel safer having consistent weekly support.
You have a routine that allows space for regular sessions.
You’re new to therapy and want to build trust over time.
For individuals considering EMDR therapy, understanding the distinctions between intensive and weekly sessions is crucial. An in-depth comparison is available in "EMDR Intensives vs. Weekly Therapy: What's the Difference?" by Seasons of Growth Counseling.
Choosing the Right Mental Health Therapy Option for You
If you’ve tried weekly counseling in the past and still feel stuck in the same emotional patterns, a therapy intensive might be the best format for your healing. Therapy intensives give emotionally exhausted women the space to dive deep, fast—without waiting weeks for progress.
Whether you're seeking relief from emotional exhaustion, toxic relationship dynamics, or childhood trauma, the right therapy format can make all the difference. What matters most is finding what works for you and your lifestyle.
What About Cost? Let’s Talk Investment
One of the biggest questions I get from clients is: “Are therapy intensives more expensive than weekly therapy?” And the honest answer is—it depends on how you look at it.
Yes, therapy intensives are a larger upfront investment. But when you compare what you’re getting, it often turns out to be more cost-effective than months of weekly therapy.
Here's the breakdown:
A typical weekly session runs $175–$315 and lasts around 50 minutes.
If you attend weekly for 3 months, you’ll spend roughly $2,100–$3,780—and you might just be scratching the surface.
A therapy intensive may cost $990–$1,750 for a single 3–5 hour intensive session. But you can address the root cause instead of circling around the symptoms.
When you're emotionally exhausted, burned out, and stuck in cycles you can’t seem to break, you don’t have time to waste. You’ve likely already spent years people-pleasing, overthinking, and putting yourself last.
Therapy intensives are designed to get you clarity now, not months from now. You’ll walk away from one day of work with more insight, resolution, and practical tools than many get in 10+ weeks of therapy.
And here’s the best part? My $97 consultation can be applied to your intensive, so you don’t have to commit to a big decision without clarity.
You’re not paying for time—you’re investing in transformation.
FAQs About Therapy Intensives and Weekly Therapy
Are therapy intensives better than weekly therapy?
It depends on your goals. Therapy intensives help you make faster progress and go deeper in less time. Weekly therapy provides steady, long-term support. Many people benefit from a mix of both over time.
Are therapy intensives covered by insurance?
Most therapy intensives are private pay, but many clients find they’re worth the investment due to how quickly they create results. You can always ask your provider about super-bill options.
How long is a therapy intensive?
Sessions range from 3 to 5 hours and can be split across multiple days. Some people do one intensive and follow up with weekly sessions. Others book a few intensives a year as part of their healing plan.
Ready to Heal? Let’s Figure Out the Best Path Together
Whether you’re leaning toward weekly sessions or feel like a therapy intensive might help you reset and reclaim your peace—let’s talk. I specialize in helping emotionally exhausted women heal from toxic relationships, childhood trauma, and burnout.
You can book a free consultation 15-minute consultation to explore your mental health therapy options or schedule a $97 60-minute session to see what it’s like to work with me, it can be applied to future services if you decide to work with me.
Book your consult or $97 session here and let’s get you the clarity you deserve.
If you’re struggling to move forward from a toxic relationship, let’s work together. I offer virtual trauma therapy and intensives across Pittsburgh, Philadelphia, and all of Pennsylvania.
Join me on Facebook, Instagram, Pinterest, Google orTikTok for more educational tips & updates!
Disclaimer: Listen, what you see here on my blog or social media isn’t therapy, it’s meant to educate, inspire, and maybe even help you feel a little less alone. But if you’re in it right now and need real support, please reach out to a licensed therapist in your state who can walk alongside you in your healing journey. Therapy is personal, and you deserve a space that’s all about you. If you’re in PA and looking for a trauma therapist who gets it, I’m currently accepting new clients for trauma intensives. Let’s fast-track your healing journey, because you deserve to feel better, sooner.
Research Brief Author: Mariah J. Zur, M.S., LPC, CCTP
Decoding the Complexity of Relationships: Navigating Love in Pittsburgh
Are you confused by the twists and turns of love? In Pittsburgh, where real connections matter, understanding relationships is a journey. This guide will show you how to spot the signs, learn from the numbers, and build healthy bonds. Let’s get started on making love simpler in our Steel City.
Understanding the Dynamics of Relationships
Relationships are like webs that join us together. They mix our feelings, thoughts, and actions. In Pittsburgh, you meet many types of bonds—romantic, friendly, family, or work. Each one works in its own way.
Interdependence: Everyone brings their own needs and dreams.
Communication: Honest talk builds trust.
Power and Roles: Roles can change as life changes.
Nearly 50% of first marriages end in divorce, and the rate is even higher for second marriages. Learn more about this by clicking here.
What are Common Challenges in Relationships?
Every bond faces bumps in the road. Common issues include:
Miscommunication: When words get twisted, hurt follows.
Trust Issues: Doubt can break a bond.
Financial Disagreements: Money fights are common.
Controlling Behavior: One person taking charge too much.
About 90% of relationship issues stem from poor communication, trust problems, money conflicts, or controlling behavior. Read more abou this by clicking here.
Impact of Education and Other Factors
Not all bonds last the same. Research shows that education plays a role. The risk of divorce is almost three times higher for the lowest-educated men and nearly two times higher for the lowest-educated women. Check out related research by clicking here.
When couples talk and show respect, they stand a better chance at lasting love.
Relationship Satisfaction and Unsolvable Problems
Happy bonds depend on feeling satisfied. But not every problem can be fixed. Studies show a strong link between marital satisfaction and stability. Low commitment and unhappiness predict divorce.
Explore findings on marital satisfaction. John Gottman’s research shows that nearly 69% of relationship problems are unsolvable. Couples learn to cope instead of fixing everything. Learn more from Gottman’s research.
Effective Communication: The Heart of Connection
Good talk is key. Listen well, watch body language, and pick the right time to speak. This builds trust and deepens your bond.
Building Trust and Intimacy
Trust grows when you keep your word and share honestly. Spend quality time at local spots, like Pittsburgh parks or a cozy café, to build your bond.
Resolving Conflict in a Healthy Way
Disagreements happen. Use "I" statements like "I feel hurt when…" to share feelings. If things get heated, take a short break, then talk again. This helps turn fights into chances to grow.
Seeking Professional Help
When problems pile up, talking to a professional can help. In Pittsburgh, local counselors and support groups can guide you through tough times. Visit the National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI) for resources.
Frequently Asked Questions
1. What are the key signs of a toxic relationship?
A: Look for constant criticism, feeling like you must tiptoe around, and having your boundaries ignored. These signs mean the bond may be hurting you.
2. How can I tell if my relationship is healthy or toxic?
A: If you feel supported and free to be yourself, your relationship is likely healthy. But if you feel drained, anxious, or alone, it might be toxic.
3. What are the common types of toxic relationships?
A: They can be manipulative, overly dependent, or aggressive. Each type hurts you in different ways, but all can break your spirit.
4. How do toxic relationships affect mental health?
A: They can lead to anxiety, depression, low self-esteem, and isolation. These effects make it hard to trust and connect with others.
5. When should I seek professional help?
A: If conflicts are constant, you feel overwhelmed, or you are isolated, it’s time to talk to a counselor or join a support group.
Embrace the Journey of Love in Pittsburgh
Love is a journey full of twists and turns. By understanding how relationships work, learning from key numbers, and speaking openly, you can build bonds that last. In Pittsburgh, you are part of a caring community that values true connection. Start today by embracing these insights and creating the healthy, happy relationships you deserve.
If you’re struggling to move forward from a toxic relationship, let’s work together. I offer virtual trauma therapy and intensives across Pittsburgh, Philadelphia, and all of Pennsylvania.
Join me on Facebook, Instagram, Pinterest, Google orTikTok for more educational tips & updates!
Disclaimer: Listen, what you see here on my blog or social media isn’t therapy, it’s meant to educate, inspire, and maybe even help you feel a little less alone. But if you’re in it right now and need real support, please reach out to a licensed therapist in your state who can walk alongside you in your healing journey. Therapy is personal, and you deserve a space that’s all about you. If you’re in PA and looking for a trauma therapist who gets it, I’m currently accepting new clients for trauma intensives. Let’s fast-track your healing journey, because you deserve to feel better, sooner.
Research Brief Author: Mariah J. Zur, M.S., LPC, CCTP
Why Do I Stay in Toxic Relationships? (Read This Before You Text Them Back)
Do you ever stare at your phone, thumb hovering over the screen, about to text them back—again—even though your gut is screaming
Yep. Been there.
You’re successful, smart, and emotionally aware. But when it comes to them? You feel stuck, drained, and honestly, a little ashamed.
Let’s get honest about why you keep staying—even when they treat you like crap. No fluff. No shame. Just clarity, compassion, and the tools to help you break free.
What Really Keeps You Stuck?
1. Trauma Bonding Is Real
Toxic relationships often follow a cycle: love bombing → control → withdrawal → just enough affection to keep you hanging on. That pattern creates a trauma bond—an intense emotional attachment that mimics addiction.
Example: They ignore you all weekend, then show up on Monday as if nothing happened, saying, "I miss you." That sudden rush of attention? That’s the hook—and it’s why letting go of a toxic relationship can be difficult.
2. You're Emotionally Exhausted
When you’re constantly walking on eggshells, your nervous system never gets a break. Emotional exhaustion leaves you foggy, causes you to overthink everything, and makes you feel paralyzed.
For example, you mentally rehearse texts, analyze their tone, and censor yourself to avoid a conflict. It’s not just burnout—it’s what occurs when toxic relationships erode your sense of self.
This kind of fatigue makes it feel overwhelming to let go of toxic people. You’re not lazy—you’re dysregulated and running on empty.
3. Your Inner Child is Still Searching for Safety
If you grew up in chaos or had to earn love as a kid, a loving toxic relationship might feel familiar. That’s not a coincidence—it’s repetition.
Your inner child—the part of you that learned love = pain—may still be running the show. And until you meet her with compassion, she’ll keep chasing that unavailable love.
This is why healing inner childhood wounds is a game-changer. When you start healing your inner self, you stop needing validation from people who can’t give it.
Example: You keep thinking, "If I’m just good enough, they'll stay." That’s not the adult you—that’s a little girl trying to feel safe.
Letting go of toxic relationships often means healing childhood wounds first.
4. You're Holding Onto Hope (And That’s Not Your Fault)
You remember the good times, the inside jokes, the "I love you"s, and deep down, you hope the person you fell for will show up again.
But here’s the thing: What version of them do you miss? That was the bait. Letting go of toxic relationships starts with accepting that their best moments don’t erase the harm.
5. You Don’t Trust Yourself Anymore
Gaslighting, blame-shifting, and subtle manipulation have a way of making you question your reality. Over time, you stop trusting your gut and wonder, "Maybe it's me."
Spoiler: It’s not.
Regaining self-trust is part of healing the inner self. Learning how to let go of a toxic relationship requires reconnecting with your inner truth—and believing you’re allowed to walk away.
How to Break the Cycle (Even If You’re Not Ready to Leave Yet)
1. Call It What It Is
Say it out loud: This is a toxic, unhealthy relationship. Naming it breaks the denial. It’s the first step to letting toxic people go without guilt.
2. Regulate Before You React
Before making big moves, focus on nervous system regulation. Breathwork. Journaling. Talking to someone safe. You can’t heal in survival mode.
Let go of toxic when your body feels calm enough to choose yourself.
3. Start Healing (Right Now)
Healing your inner childhood wounds doesn’t need to be complicated. You can start with 10 minutes a day. Think: morning journaling, mirror work, or nervous system resets.
If you’ve been Googling "how to heal inner childhood trauma," you’re not alone. This blog breaks down simple ways to start healing.
4. Download the Good Girl Detox
Over-giving? People-pleasing? Constantly second-guessing yourself? The Good Girl Detox Guide was made for you. It’s your first step toward cutting off toxic dynamics and reclaiming your energy. [Download it here]
5. Book a $97 Intro Call
Not ready for weekly therapy? No pressure. Book a low-commitment intro call. You’ll walk away with clarity and a plan—and yes, it counts toward future sessions or trauma intensives. [Book now]
Common Questions
Why can't I leave my toxic partner?
Because your body is wired for survival. Trauma bonds, low self-esteem, and fear of being alone can make leaving feel unsafe—even when it’s necessary.
Is it normal to feel attached to someone who hurts me?
Yes. Emotional abuse creates cycles of pain and reward that can feel addictive. It’s not love—it’s a trauma bond.
How does low self-esteem affect my relationship choices?
When you believe you’re not enough, you accept less than you deserve. You might chase validation instead of connection.
Can therapy help me break free from a toxic relationship?
Absolutely. Therapy helps you rebuild self-trust, spot patterns, and make empowered choices—even if you’re not ready to leave yet.
What are the signs of trauma bonding?
Extreme highs and lows, obsessive thoughts, craving their approval, and justifying harmful behavior are all signs you’re trauma bonded.
Let’s Talk Numbers (Because Facts Matter)
“About 1 in 3 adults in the U.S. have experienced physical violence from a partner.” (Nutrition and Therapy)
“Fear of being alone and low self-worth are common reasons people stay in toxic relationships.” (Psychology Today)
“Financial dependence is a frequent barrier to leaving unhealthy dynamics.” (John Kenny Coaching)
You Don’t Need More Shame. You Need a Way Out.
You are not broken. You’re just stuck in a cycle you didn’t choose.
And you don’t have to stay in it.
Even if you’re not ready to walk away yet, you can start choosing yourself now. Start healing. Rebuild self-trust. Let go of toxic.
Download the Good Girl Detox. Book your intro call. You don’t have to do this alone.
If you’re struggling to move forward from a toxic relationship, let’s work together. I offer virtual trauma therapy and intensives across Pittsburgh, Philadelphia, and all of Pennsylvania.
Join me on Facebook, Instagram, Pinterest, Google orTikTok for more educational tips & updates!
Disclaimer: Listen, what you see here on my blog or social media isn’t therapy; it’s meant to educate, inspire, and maybe even help you feel a little less alone. But if you’re in it right now and need real support, please reach out to a licensed therapist in your state who can walk alongside you in your healing journey. Therapy is personal, and you deserve a space that’s all about you. If you’re in PA and looking for a trauma therapist who gets it, I’m currently accepting new clients for trauma intensives. Let’s fast-track your healing journey because you deserve to feel better sooner.
Research Brief Author: Mariah J. Zur, M.S., LPC, CCTP
Identifying the Different Types of Toxic Relationships: A Guide to Recognizing and Breaking Free in Pittsburgh
Are you not sure if your relationships are healthy? In Pittsburgh, real connections matter. In this guide, we break down the signs of toxic relationships. Learn how to spot red flags, understand harmful patterns, and take steps to break free.
Understanding Toxic Relationships
Toxic relationships steal your energy, they suck the life out of you and they hurt your self-worth. They can be in love, friendship, family, or work. These bonds hurt you mentally, emotionally, and sometimes physically.
Poor Communication: Many fights and no real talk.
Control & Manipulation: One person makes all the decisions.
Emotional Abuse: Constant criticism that leaves you feeling small.
Learn more from the CDC on Intimate Partner Violence.
Signs of a Toxic Relationship
It is hard to see problems when you care. But watch for these signs:
Constant Criticism: They always put you down.
Walking on Eggshells: You worry about every word.
Lack of Boundaries: Your space and needs are not respected.
The American Psychological Association shares that many people face these issues.
Common Types of Toxic Relationships
Toxicity comes in different forms. Here are three common types:
The Manipulative Relationship:
One person uses tricks like gaslighting and guilt to control you. They may switch between kindness and hurtful words.The Overly Dependent Relationship:
One partner relies too much on the other for support. This can make you feel smothered.The Aggressive Relationship:
This type shows real anger. It can include loud fights or even physical harm.
Read a study from the Journal of Family Violence for more on these patterns.
Impact on Mental Health
Toxic relationships can hurt your mind and heart. They can lead to:
Anxiety & Depression: Feeling sad and worried a lot.
Low Self-Esteem: You may begin to doubt your worth.
Isolation: You might feel cut off from friends and family.
Research in the Journal of Clinical Psychology shows a strong link between toxic bonds and poor mental health.
Breaking Free and Healing
Leaving a toxic relationship is hard but needed. Here are some steps:
Acknowledge the Problem: Know that the hurt is not your fault.
Seek Support: Talk to trusted friends, family, or local Pittsburgh counselors.
Plan Your Exit: Set clear boundaries and take small steps away from the harm.
Practice Self-Care: Enjoy simple things like walks in Pittsburgh parks or a favorite hobby.
A report from Allegheny County shows a 12% rise in domestic violence calls, so local help is key.
Frequently Asked Questions
1. What are the signs of a toxic relationship?
Look for constant criticism, feeling like you must tiptoe around, and a lack of respect for your space. These signs show that the relationship may be hurting you.
2. How can I tell if my relationship is toxic?
If you often feel sad, anxious, or alone after spending time with someone, it is a warning sign. Trust your feelings—if something feels wrong, it probably is.
3. What types of toxic relationships exist?
They can be manipulative, overly dependent, or aggressive. Each type hurts you in different ways, but all harm your well-being.
4. How do toxic relationships affect my mental health?
They can lead to anxiety, depression, low self-esteem, and isolation. These issues make it hard to enjoy life and connect with others.
5. What can I do to break free from a toxic relationship?
Start by acknowledging the problem. Then, seek support from loved ones or local professionals. Set firm boundaries and focus on self-care to help you heal.
Embrace a Healthier Future in Pittsburgh
Breaking free from toxic relationships is the first step to reclaiming your happiness. In our close-knit Pittsburgh community, you deserve respect and love. By recognizing the signs, seeking help, and setting clear boundaries, you can build a future filled with genuine, uplifting connections. Remember, your well-being matters. You have the power to choose healthier, happier relationships.
If you’re struggling to move forward from a toxic relationship, let’s work together. I offer virtual trauma therapy and intensives across Pittsburgh, Philadelphia, and all of Pennsylvania.
Join me on Facebook, Instagram, Pinterest, Google orTikTok for more educational tips & updates!
Disclaimer: Listen, what you see here on my blog or social media isn’t therapy, it’s meant to educate, inspire, and maybe even help you feel a little less alone. But if you’re in it right now and need real support, please reach out to a licensed therapist in your state who can walk alongside you in your healing journey. Therapy is personal, and you deserve a space that’s all about you. If you’re in PA and looking for a trauma therapist who gets it, I’m currently accepting new clients for trauma intensives. Let’s fast-track your healing journey, because you deserve to feel better, sooner.
Research Brief Author: Mariah J. Zur, M.S., LPC, CCTP
The Silent Treatment in Pittsburgh: How to Cope When a Narcissist Ignores You
In Pittsburgh, a city known for its resilient spirit and tight-knit community, facing emotional manipulation can feel isolating. When a narcissist gives you the silent treatment, it’s like speaking into a void, a tactic designed to control and confuse. This guide offers practical strategies to help you regain your strength, set healthy boundaries, and find local support in the Steel City.
What Is the Silent Treatment?
The silent treatment is not a moment of quiet. It is a deliberate act of emotional manipulation. Narcissists use silence to control and punish. They withhold communication to make you question your self-worth and feel abandoned.
Control Mechanism: Withholding words to maintain power.
Emotional Impact: Triggers anxiety, self-doubt, and isolation.
Local Connection: Even in Pittsburgh, where community matters, this tactic can leave you disconnected.
Read more by going to the National Domestic Violence Hotline Statistics website for more information.
How Can I Recognize Narcissistic Behavior?
Understanding narcissistic traits empowers you to protect yourself. Look for these common behaviors:
Self-Centeredness: They always put their needs first.
Lack of Empathy: Your feelings are often dismissed.
Manipulation Tactics: Expect gaslighting and emotional blackmail.
Cycle of Idealization and Devaluation: Praise one moment, dismiss the next.
A 2021 study (Journal of Family Violence) shows that nearly 60% of victims identify the silent treatment as a key tactic.
How does the Silent Treatment impact you?
The effects of being ignored can run deep:
Emotional Scars: Repeated rejection may lead to anxiety, depression, or PTSD.
Communication Breakdown: Silence stops healthy dialogue and creates more emotional distance in your relationship.
Future Relationships: The pain from this relationship makes trust and connection harder.
A report from the Allegheny County Domestic Violence Prevention Initiative noted a 12% increase in domestic violence-related calls in Pittsburgh over the past three years.
Coping Strategies for Pittsburgh Residents
When coping with the silent treatment, practical self-care and local support are key. Try these steps:
Acknowledge Your Feelings
Validate Yourself: The silence is a manipulation tactic, not a measure of your worth.
Journaling: Write down your thoughts to process your emotions.
Establish a Daily Routine
Stay Active: Enjoy Pittsburgh’s scenic parks and trails.
Pursue Hobbies: Engage in art, music, or local events to lift your spirits.
Practice Mindfulness and Self-Care
Mindfulness Techniques: Try meditation, deep breathing, or yoga.
Self-Care Rituals: Prioritize sleep, a healthy diet, and activities that nurture your soul.
A 2022 Journal of Clinical Psychology study shows mindfulness can reduce stress by up to 30%.
Set Firm Boundaries
Define Your Limits: Clearly state what behavior you will not tolerate.
Stand Firm: Consistent boundaries protect your self-esteem and mental health.
Finding Support in Pittsburgh
You are not alone. Pittsburgh offers many resources to help you heal:
Counseling Centers: Local clinics specialize in trauma and relationship issues.
Community Support Groups: Connect with others who understand your journey.
Hotlines: Access immediate help through services like the National Domestic Violence Hotline.
Or work directly with me because I get it, I’ve been here before.
Frequently Asked Questions
Q1: What is the silent treatment and why do narcissists use it?
A: The silent treatment is a control tactic. Narcissists withhold communication to punish and manipulate, leaving you questioning your worth.
Q2: How can I cope with a narcissist’s silent treatment?
A: Start by acknowledging your feelings and practicing self-care. Build a routine, use mindfulness techniques, and set clear boundaries to protect your well-being.
Q3: What are the key signs of narcissistic behavior?
A: Look for self-centeredness, a lack of empathy, manipulation tactics, and a cycle of idealization followed by devaluation.
Q4: How do I set healthy boundaries with a narcissist?
A: Communicate your limits clearly. Stand firm on what behavior you won’t accept. Consistency is essential for protecting your mental health.
Q5: Where can I find local help in Pittsburgh for emotional abuse?
A: Pittsburgh has many local counseling centers and support groups. You can also access immediate help through the National Domestic Violence Hotline.
Moving Forward: Healing and Growth
Healing is a journey. Reflect on your experiences and learn what you need for healthier relationships. Invest in yourself by exploring new hobbies, continuing your education, or joining community activities. Set clear intentions for what respect and communication mean to you. Every step builds a stronger, more resilient you.
Reclaim Your Power in the Steel City
Coping with a narcissist’s silent treatment is challenging, but here in Pittsburgh, you’re supported by a caring community. Recognize the signs, practice self-care, set firm boundaries, and seek the help you deserve. Your silence does not define you—your strength does. Embrace Pittsburgh’s support and step confidently into a future where you are respected, heard, and valued.
If you’re struggling to move forward from a toxic relationship, let’s work together. I offer virtual trauma therapy and intensives across Pittsburgh, Philadelphia, and all of Pennsylvania.
Join me on Facebook, Instagram, Pinterest, Google orTikTok for more educational tips & updates!
Disclaimer: Listen, what you see here on my blog or social media isn’t therapy, it’s meant to educate, inspire, and maybe even help you feel a little less alone. But if you’re in it right now and need real support, please reach out to a licensed therapist in your state who can walk alongside you in your healing journey. Therapy is personal, and you deserve a space that’s all about you. If you’re in PA and looking for a trauma therapist who gets it, I’m currently accepting new clients for trauma intensives. Let’s fast-track your healing journey, because you deserve to feel better, sooner.
Research Brief Author: Mariah J. Zur, M.S., LPC, CCTP
Radical Self-Love: How to Stop Apologizing for Your Existence and Embrace Who You Are
In a world that constantly tells us we're not enough—not thin enough, successful enough, or lovable—it's easy to fall into patterns of self-doubt. But what if the real problem isn't you? What if the issue is the unrealistic expectations society places on you?
Enter radical self-love—the unapologetic act of accepting yourself exactly as you are. Inspired by The Body Is Not an Apology by Sonya Renee Taylor, this approach challenges the belief that you need to change to be worthy. Your body is not an apology. Your existence is not something that needs to be justified.
Whether you're struggling with self-esteem, battling negative body image, or looking for therapy for self-worth, this blog will help you break free from the cycle of self-criticism and start embracing yourself fully.
What Is Radical Self-Love?
Radical self-love is more than self-care—it's a mindset shift. It's the difference between treating yourself with occasional kindness and fully committing to loving yourself unapologetically.
Sonya Renee Taylor's The Body Is Not an Apology book and audiobook explores this philosophy, encouraging us to reject society's harmful beauty standards and embrace ourselves without guilt. But what does radical self-love look like in practice?
Signs You're Embracing Radical Self-Love:
You stop seeing your body as a "before" and "after" project.
You set boundaries without guilt.
You challenge negative self-talk and replace it with compassion.
You stop apologizing for taking up space—physically, emotionally, and mentally.
Rather than constantly striving for perfection, self-love means acknowledging that your worth isn't tied to your appearance, productivity, or how much you do for others.
A staggering 85% of the American population struggles with low self-esteem, according to a 2017 NBC report, highlighting the widespread need for radical self-love practices.
Why Self-Love Feels So Hard (And How Therapy Can Help)
Let's be honest—self-love isn't always easy. If you've spent years internalizing messages that your body, success, or personality aren't enough, reversing that mindset takes work. That's where therapy for self-worth comes in.
A trauma-informed therapist (hey, that's me!) can help you unpack these deep-seated beliefs and shift the way you see yourself. In our work together, we explore:
Where your self-doubt comes from – Maybe it's childhood experiences, toxic relationships, or a never-ending cycle of perfectionism.
How to unlearn harmful beliefs – Using frameworks like radical self-love, we challenge the idea that you must "fix" yourself.
Practical tools to build self-esteem – We work on reclaiming your worth from boundary-setting to self-compassion exercises.
Research confirms that higher levels of self-compassion correlate strongly with improved psychological well-being, including increased happiness, optimism, and social connectedness.
If you've ever found yourself thinking, I'll love myself when I lose weight, get that promotion, when I'm finally in a healthy relationship…, it's time to rewrite that script. Your body is not an apology, and your self-worth is not conditional.
Breaking Free from Self-Doubt: A Daily Radical Self-Love Checklist
Want to start practicing self-love but don't know where to begin? Here's a checklist to help you shift your mindset:
Affirm Yourself Daily: Use The Body Is Not an Apology quotes or create affirmations. (Example: I am worthy as I am.)
Unfollow Toxic Content: If social media makes you feel bad about yourself, it's time to hit that unfollow button.
Speak Kindly to Yourself: Pay attention to how you talk about your body, achievements, and emotions.
Engage in Radical Self-Care: Not just bubble baths—think therapy, setting boundaries, and resting without guilt.
Educate Yourself on Self-Love: Read books that help with self-love, like Sonya Renee Taylor's The Body Is Not an Apology.
People who cultivate high self-compassion enjoy 26% lower stress levels and 24% less burnout than others.
5 Common Questions About Radical Self-Love
1. What does radical self-love mean?
Radical self-love is the profound, unconditional acceptance of oneself. It involves recognizing your inherent worth, embracing all aspects of who you are, and challenging societal norms that dictate how you should look or behave. This concept encourages unlearning toxic beliefs and fostering self-compassion. (withinhealth.com)
2. What is the difference between radical self-love and self-love?
While self-love involves appreciating and caring for oneself, radical self-love delves deeper. It challenges systemic biases and societal standards, advocating for a complete and unapologetic embrace of oneself. Radical self-love transforms personal and collective mindsets to foster genuine acceptance and love for all bodies. (withinhealth.com, loveintently.com)
3. How can I practice radical self-love daily?
Incorporating radical self-love into your daily routine involves:
Setting Boundaries: Protect your energy by saying no to things that don't serve your wellbeing.
Positive Self-Talk: Replace negative thoughts with affirmations that reflect your true worth.
Engaging in Self-Care: Participate in activities that nurture your body and mind, such as reading empowering literature or enjoying a peaceful walk.
Self-love significantly reduces psychological distress, with higher levels of self-compassion directly linked to fewer mental health problems.
Finding a Therapist in Pittsburgh, PA, to Support Your Self-Love Journey
If you're in Pittsburgh, PA, and struggling with self-worth, self-esteem, or body image issues, therapy can be a game-changer. As a trauma-informed therapist, I help high-achieving individuals heal from toxic relationships, self-doubt, and burnout.
CDC data shows that 30% of Americans deal with anxiety disorders, and 20.4% experience chronic pain, conditions that can be addressed through self-love practices.
You don't have to navigate this journey alone. Whether you're looking for virtual therapy in Pennsylvania or in-person support in Pittsburgh, I'm here to help you reclaim your worth.
Ready to Stop Apologizing for Existing? Let's Work Together.
You deserve to feel confident, whole, and unapologetically yourself. If you're ready to prioritize self-love, I invite you to take the first step.
Book a Free Consultation, and let's start your journey toward radical self-love today.
Your body is not an apology, and your life does not need justification. Let's build self-worth that doesn't depend on external validation.
If you’re struggling to move forward from a toxic relationship, let’s work together. I offer virtual trauma therapy and intensives across Pittsburgh, Philadelphia, and all of Pennsylvania.
Join me on Facebook, Instagram, Pinterest, Google orTikTok for more educational tips & updates!
Disclaimer: Listen, what you see here on my blog or social media isn’t therapy, it’s meant to educate, inspire, and maybe even help you feel a little less alone. But if you’re in it right now and need real support, please reach out to a licensed therapist in your state who can walk alongside you in your healing journey. Therapy is personal, and you deserve a space that’s all about you. If you’re in PA and looking for a trauma therapist who gets it, I’m currently accepting new clients for trauma intensives. Let’s fast-track your healing journey, because you deserve to feel better, sooner.
Research Brief Author: Mariah J. Zur, M.S., LPC, CCTP
Healing from Toxic Relationships in Pittsburgh: A Compassionate Guide to Recovery
In Pittsburgh, strong, caring relationships are at the heart of our community. Yet, toxic relationships happen and they can hurt us deeply and leave lasting scars. When love shifts into control and care turns into pain, the impact can affect every part of your life. This guide is designed to help you spot the signs, learn how to heal, and find the local support you need right here in the Steel City.

What Are Toxic Relationships?
Toxic relationships happen when one person controls or harms the other. These harmful connections often show themselves through:
Constant Criticism: Hurtful comments that chip away at your self-esteem.
Emotional Neglect: A lack of the care and support you deserve.
Manipulation: Guilt-tripping or influencing you to act against your best interests.
According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), nearly 1 in 4 women face severe partner violence. Recognizing these signs is the first step to breaking free and reclaiming your happiness.
Spotting the Warning Signs
Sometimes the signs are subtle, but your feelings matter. If you often leave an interaction feeling tired, sad, or unimportant, it might be a red flag. Consider these key indicators:
Too Much Negativity: When negative moments outweigh the positive.
Guilt Trips: When you’re made to feel responsible for another's feelings.
Lack of Respect: When your thoughts and feelings are routinely ignored.
The National Domestic Violence Hotline reports that over 50% of survivors face long-term issues like anxiety and depression. Recognizing these red flags is vital for building a healthier future.
How Toxic Relationships Hurt Your Health
Living in a toxic relationship can affect both your mind and body. Here’s how:
Mental Stress: Ongoing anxiety and depression may develop over time.
Physical Pain: Constant stress can lead to sleep loss, fatigue, and even chronic pain.
Social Isolation: You might pull away from friends and community, which is especially hard in a tight-knit city like Pittsburgh.
Studies show that long-term stress from toxic relationships can lead to serious health issues.
How Toxic Relationships Cause Trauma
The cycle of hurt can lead to deep emotional wounds. Over time, you may find yourself:
Always on Edge: Constantly fearing the next hurtful moment.
Struggling with PTSD: A study in the Journal of Clinical Psychology found that victims of chronic emotional abuse are about 2.5 times more likely to develop PTSD.
Losing Trust: Feeling unsafe and unable to trust others, making new relationships challenging.
These effects show why it’s essential to seek help and begin the healing process.
Your Road to Recovery in Pittsburgh
Healing is a journey, and every step counts. Here’s how to begin:
1. Get Local Professional Help
Pittsburgh offers many local counselors and mental health experts. Consider therapies like:
Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy (CBT): To change harmful thought patterns. Work with Megan, who specializes in CBT by clicking this link.
Trauma-Focused Therapy: To help you work through deep emotional wounds. Work with me by clicking this link.
2. Find Your Support Group
A caring community makes a big difference. Join:
Support Groups: Meet others who understand your journey. Follow me on IG for more education and support.
Local Workshops: Participate in events that help build resilience.
3. Practice Daily Self-Care
Self-care is essential for recovery. Try these simple strategies:
Stay Active: Enjoy Pittsburgh’s parks and trails for a natural boost.
Practice Mindfulness: Try yoga, meditation, or deep breathing exercises.
Express Yourself: Write, draw, or play music to let your feelings out.
4. Set Healthy Boundaries
After leaving a toxic relationship, learn to set clear rules for yourself. Speak up for your needs and say “no” when necessary.
Did you know that the overall economic cost of domestic violence in the United States exceeds $8.3 billion each year? This figure covers healthcare, legal fees, and lost work. Learn more on the CDC Violence Prevention page.
Local Pittsburgh Resources for Healing
Help is close at hand. A recent report from the Allegheny County Domestic Violence Prevention Initiative noted a 12% increase in domestic violence-related calls in the past three years. Local resources include:
Counseling Centers: Pittsburgh clinics that specialize in trauma recovery.
Community Programs: Nonprofits offering support groups and crisis intervention.
Hotlines: The National Domestic Violence Hotline is available 24/7.
Check out the Pittsburgh community events page by clicking here.
Frequently Asked Questions About Toxic Relationships
1. What are the common signs of a toxic relationship?
They often include constant criticism, neglect, and manipulation. If you feel drained or sad after time spent with someone, these may be warning signs. (See the "Spotting the Warning Signs" section above.)
2. How can I heal from trauma caused by toxic relationships?
Begin by admitting you need help. In Pittsburgh, you can find counseling, support groups, and self-care practices to aid recovery.
3. What are the long-term effects on mental health?
They can lead to chronic anxiety, depression, and even PTSD. Studies show these risks are very real. (Check our reference from the Journal of Clinical Psychology.)
4. What local help is available in Pittsburgh?
The city offers counseling centers, community programs, and hotlines like the National Domestic Violence Hotline. Local nonprofits also provide extra support.
5. How do I set healthy boundaries after leaving a toxic relationship?
Reflect on your needs, speak up, and practice saying “no.” This helps you protect your emotional space and rebuild trust. (See our "Set Healthy Boundaries" tips above.)
A Brighter Future in Pittsburgh
The pain from toxic relationships can run deep, but healing is within reach. By learning the signs, seeking help, and practicing self-care, you can overcome the past and build a brighter future. In a caring city like Pittsburgh, you’re never alone.
You deserve relationships that uplift you. Start your healing journey today, and let the strength of Pittsburgh guide you to a happier tomorrow.
Now what?
If you’re struggling to move forward from a toxic relationship, let’s work together. I offer virtual trauma therapy and intensives across Pittsburgh, Philadelphia, and all of Pennsylvania.
Join me on Facebook, Instagram, Pinterest, Google orTikTok for more educational tips & updates!
Disclaimer: Listen, what you see here on my blog or social media isn’t therapy, it’s meant to educate, inspire, and maybe even help you feel a little less alone. But if you’re in it right now and need real support, please reach out to a licensed therapist in your state who can walk alongside you in your healing journey. Therapy is personal, and you deserve a space that’s all about you. If you’re in PA and looking for a trauma therapist who gets it, I’m currently accepting new clients for trauma intensives. Let’s fast-track your healing journey, because you deserve to feel better, sooner.
Research Brief Author: Mariah J. Zur, M.S., LPC, CCTP
Busy Schedule? Here's Why Therapy Intensives Might Be Perfect for You
Are you emotionally exhausted from toxic cycles and a never-ending schedule? Finding time for traditional weekly therapy can seem impossible in our busy lives. But that doesn't mean you have to sacrifice healing. Therapy intensives might be just what you need to make meaningful progress, without rearranging your entire life. You can learn more about my intensive process by clicking here or reading this blog.
Why Traditional Weekly Therapy May Not Fit
Weekly therapy sessions require steady, ongoing time that many of us simply don't have. It can be hard to commit to regular appointments for busy women juggling work, family, and toxic relationship dynamics. Sometimes, you need deep healing and progress fast. When your schedule is packed, you deserve a more flexible solution that works around your life, not the other way around.
What Are Therapy Intensives?
Therapy intensives are concentrated sessions designed to deliver deep support quickly. Instead of meeting for an hour each week, you might have one or two sessions that last 3-5 hours each. This focused time allows you to quickly get into your challengesle insights and gain valuab. It's like getting a potent therapy dose when you need it most.
Benefits of Therapy Intensives for Busy Women
For women caught in toxic cycles or demanding relationships, therapy intensives offer:
Flexibility: Get deep healing in one or two sessions without missing work or family time.
Efficiency: Address deep-seated issues like burnout, anxiety, or relationship struggles quickly.
Tailored Support: Focus on your unique challenges with an approach that respects your busy schedule.
Immediate Tools: Walk away with practical strategies to manage stress and navigate toxic dynamics.
Suppose you're overwhelmed by work, family, or the weight of a toxic relationship. In that case, intensives can help you regain control and rebuild your self-worth without a long-term commitment.
Real-Life Benefits
Imagine this: You're juggling a demanding job and a turbulent home life. Traditional therapy seems too slow and hard to fit in. With therapy intensives, you can focus on your core issues in just a few extended sessions. You might tackle burnout head-on, learn to manage anxiety, and even gain new insights into toxic patterns in your relationships. You can set the stage for lasting change and healthier habits quickly.
Learn more about my therapy intensives.
So, now what?
Are you ready to make meaningful progress without sacrificing hours of your precious time each week? Therapy intensives might be the perfect fit for your busy schedule. Schedule a free consultation today to discover how this powerful approach can help you break free from toxic cycles and reclaim your life.
Frequently Asked Questions
1. What exactly are therapy intensives?
A: Therapy intensives are longer, focused sessions that allow you to work through deep issues in just one or two sessions instead of weekly meetings. This is perfect for busy people who need fast, effective healing.
2. How do therapy intensives work?
A: In an intensive session, you spend 3-5 hours with your therapist, diving deep into your challenges. This concentrated time helps you quickly uncover and address core issues, giving you actionable insights and tools to move forward.
3. Who can benefit from therapy intensives?
A: Busy professionals, exhausted women, and anyone caught in toxic cycles or relationships can benefit. If you're struggling to find time for weekly therapy and need immediate progress, intensives might be right for you.
4. Can therapy intensives help with burnout and anxiety?
A: Yes, intensives are designed to address issues like burnout, anxiety, and relationship struggles. By focusing on these problems in a concentrated way, you can learn effective coping strategies quickly.
5. How do I know if a therapy intensive is right for me?
A: If your schedule is packed and you feel overwhelmed by the slow pace of traditional therapy, a therapy intensive might offer the flexibility and depth you need. It's a powerful way to jumpstart your healing process without long-term commitments.
A Powerful, Flexible Path to Healing
In a world where time is precious, therapy intensives offer a flexible, efficient way to achieve deep healing. For emotionally exhausted women navigating toxic cycles and demanding schedules, this focused approach provides immediate tools and insights to break free and rebuild your life. In Pittsburgh and across Pennsylvania, you deserve a healing path that fits your life. Embrace therapy intensives and reclaim your peace today.
Intensive trauma therapist near me. Virtual appointments in Pittsburgh, Philadelphia and across Pennsylvania.
If you’re struggling to move forward from a toxic relationship, let’s work together. I offer virtual trauma therapy and intensives across Pittsburgh, Philadelphia, and all of Pennsylvania.
Join me on Facebook, Instagram, Pinterest, Google orTikTok for more educational tips & updates!
Disclaimer: Listen, what you see here on my blog or social media isn’t therapy, it’s meant to educate, inspire, and maybe even help you feel a little less alone. But if you’re in it right now and need real support, please reach out to a licensed therapist in your state who can walk alongside you in your healing journey. Therapy is personal, and you deserve a space that’s all about you. If you’re in PA and looking for a trauma therapist who gets it, I’m currently accepting new clients for trauma intensives. Let’s fast-track your healing journey, because you deserve to feel better, sooner.
Research Brief Author: Mariah J. Zur, M.S., LPC, CCTP
The Science Behind Trauma: How Trauma Impacts the Brain in Pittsburgh and Across Pennsylvania
Are you curious about how trauma impacts the brain? In Pittsburgh and across Pennsylvania, knowing how trauma changes your brain can empower you to heal and grow. This guide breaks down the science of trauma in simple, straightforward language. Let’s explore how trauma affects memory, emotions, and decision-making—and learn how you can take charge of your healing journey.
What Is Trauma and How Does It Impact the Brain?
Trauma is a strong, painful reaction to a distressing event. It doesn’t just hurt your feelings—it rewires your brain. When you experience trauma, your brain’s natural systems go into overdrive.
Fight-or-Flight Response: Your amygdala, the emotion center, becomes active, making you feel scared or on edge.
Memory Changes: The hippocampus, which helps form and recall memories, may shrink with stress.
Impaired Decision-Making: Your prefrontal cortex, which helps with thinking and planning, may slow down.
Research shows that trauma can rewire the brain, causing changes in structure and function (read more).
The Neurobiological Effects of Trauma
Trauma changes how your brain works by altering its wiring and chemicals.
Neural Rewiring: Trauma can change the way brain cells connect. Studies suggest that neural pathways shift in up to 70% of trauma survivors.
Chemical Imbalances: Stress hormones like cortisol and norepinephrine may stay high, upsetting your mood. Long-term changes in these chemicals are found in over 60% of individuals with PTSD.
How Trauma Impacts Memory and Cognition
Trauma can make it hard to remember things and think clearly.
Fragmented Memories: Trauma can break up memories, so they don’t flow well. Research shows a 15% reduction in hippocampal volume in traumatized brains.
Cognitive Impairment: Many survivors find it hard to concentrate or make decisions. Studies report that nearly 50% of individuals with PTSD have deficits in verbal memory.
Trauma’s Influence on Emotional Regulation
Trauma also affects how you handle your emotions.
Heightened Emotions: Trauma may lead to intense feelings like fear, anger, or sadness.
Emotional Numbness: Some people feel detached or empty after trauma.
Unhealthy Coping: These shifts can lead to avoidance or other harmful habits.
Data shows that the brain areas processing emotional regulation can be significantly altered by trauma.
Healing in Pittsburgh and Across Pennsylvania
Trauma is a community issue in Pittsburgh and throughout Pennsylvania. Local organizations, healthcare providers, and support groups are here to help you heal.
Local Resources: Find trauma recovery centers and therapy groups in our Steel City.
Collective Healing: Embracing trauma-informed care can build a stronger, healthier community.
Discover local trauma recovery resources
Frequently Asked Questions
1. How does trauma impact the brain?
A: Trauma rewires the brain by triggering the fight-or-flight response, which changes areas like the amygdala, hippocampus, and prefrontal cortex. This affects memory, emotions, and decision-making.
2. How does childhood trauma impact the brain?
A: Childhood trauma can be especially harmful because a young brain is still developing. It may lead to a smaller hippocampus and an overactive amygdala, causing long-term memory and emotional control challenges.
3. Can childhood trauma cause brain damage?
A: While childhood trauma doesn’t cause physical brain damage like an injury, it can lead to significant changes in brain structure and function that impact learning, memory, and emotion over time.
4. How does childhood trauma impact the brain differently than adult trauma?
A: Childhood trauma occurs during critical periods of brain development, which can lead to lasting effects on memory, emotional regulation, and cognitive function, often more severe than trauma experienced in adulthood.
5. Can childhood trauma cause brain fog?
A: Yes, many survivors of childhood trauma report brain fog. This includes difficulty concentrating and remembering details, likely due to brain structure and function changes.
Understanding How Trauma Impacts the Brain
Understanding how trauma impacts the brain is the first step toward healing. In Pittsburgh and across Pennsylvania, this knowledge empowers you to seek help and build a brighter future. I genuinely want the best for you! With insights into how trauma alters memory, emotion, and decision-making, you can work with local professionals to restore balance and resilience. I’d love to work with you, and I’m happy to see if we would be an excellent fit for therapy.
Take that first step today. Your journey toward recovery starts with understanding.
If you’re struggling to move forward from a toxic relationship, let’s work together. I offer virtual trauma therapy and intensives across Pittsburgh, Philadelphia, and all of Pennsylvania.
Join me on Facebook, Instagram, Pinterest, Google orTikTok for more educational tips & updates!
Disclaimer: Listen, what you see here on my blog or social media isn’t therapy, it’s meant to educate, inspire, and maybe even help you feel a little less alone. But if you’re in it right now and need real support, please reach out to a licensed therapist in your state who can walk alongside you in your healing journey. Therapy is personal, and you deserve a space that’s all about you. If you’re in PA and looking for a trauma therapist who gets it, I’m currently accepting new clients for trauma intensives. Let’s fast-track your healing journey, because you deserve to feel better, sooner.
Research Brief Author: Mariah J. Zur, M.S., LPC, CCTP
Exploring Your Inner World with Internal Family Systems Therapy in Pittsburgh
Are you curious about your inner self? Here in Pittsburgh, we know that understanding your inner world can help you heal and grow. Our beginner’s guide to Internal Family Systems (IFS) Therapy shows you how to listen to the different parts of your mind. Let’s take a journey toward self-awareness, healing, and a brighter future together.
What Is Internal Family Systems Therapy?
IFS Therapy looks at your mind as if it were a family. Every person has many "parts"—small voices that hold feelings, thoughts, and memories. Some parts protect you, while others carry old hurt or fear. By learning to listen to these parts, you build balance and inner peace.
Exiles: These parts hold painful memories.
Managers: They work to keep you safe.
Firefighters: They step in when feelings get too strong.
Learn more about IFS Therapy by exploring my page to understand how I use this in my therapy sessions.
What are the key principles of IFS?
IFS is built on simple, clear ideas:
Your Core Self: Your true self is kind, calm, and wise.
Multiplicity: We all have many parts that work together.
Non-Judgment: IFS teaches us to see every part as helpful, not bad.
By reconnecting with your core self, you can treat all your parts with love and curiosity.
What are the benefits of IFS Therapy?
IFS Therapy offers real benefits, especially for our Pittsburgh community:
Self-Compassion: Learn to be gentle with yourself.
Healing from Trauma: Safely face and heal old wounds.
Better Relationships: Understand your inner world to connect with others.
Improved Emotional Health: Lower anxiety and depression by embracing all your parts.
Check out about me or my colleague Megan, both of us use IFS in our sessions because we see the power it has in trauma work.
What is the recent research on IFS Therapy?
Recent studies show IFS Therapy makes a difference:
Approximately 73% of participants attended 12 or more sessions in an online group-based IFS program for PTSD, with 92% recommending it, and a significant drop in PTSD symptoms (read more).
In a public healthcare system, after 16 weeks of IFS sessions, participants showed improved self-compassion and emotion regulation (read more).
IFS offers a way to heal toxic relationships by helping those with controlling behaviors find change (read more).
As of April 2024, nearly 45,764 psychotherapists on PsychologyToday.com reported using IFS in their practice(read more).
Ongoing research funded by the Foundation for Self Leadership shows promising results in treating PTSD and substance use with IFS (read more).
How does IFS differ from other therapies?
IFS is unique because it sees your mind as many parts working together instead of one single self. Unlike other therapies:
Empowerment: You become the leader of your inner family.
Compassion: IFS helps you understand your feelings without judgment.
Self-Discovery: You explore your inner world at your own pace.
This approach puts you in control of your healing journey.
What are the techniques and tools in IFS?
IFS uses practical tools you can use every day:
Parts Work: Identify and speak with your inner parts.
Visualization: Use simple images to see your parts clearly.
Mindfulness: Stay present and observe your thoughts without judgment.
How does IFS help Self-Healing and Growth?
You can use IFS techniques in your daily life:
Journal Your Thoughts: Write down your feelings and insights.
Pause in Stressful Moments: Notice which part is speaking and ask, "What do you need?"
Practice Self-Compassion: Treat yourself kindly as you learn and grow.
How do I find an IFS Therapist in Pittsburgh?
If you need extra support, find a local IFS practitioner by:
Searching Online: Use trusted directories for licensed therapists.
Asking for Referrals: Talk to friends, family, or your doctor.
Scheduling Consultations: Meet with a few to see who fits your needs.
Check out about me or my colleague Megan, both of us use IFS in our sessions because we see the power it has in trauma work. We see clients in Pittsburgh, Philadelphia and across Pennsylvania via telehealth.
Case Studies and Success Stories
IFS Therapy has changed lives in Pittsburgh. One dedicated lawyer, for example, learned to manage her anxiety, perfectionism, and overworking by nurturing her wounded parts. By tuning in to her inner Manager and letting go of unrealistic expectations, she found a balanced approach to her demanding career and personal well-being. Her journey shows that even the busiest professionals can heal and thrive when they embrace every part of themselves.
Frequently Asked Questions
1. What is Internal Family Systems (IFS) Therapy?
A: IFS Therapy sees your mind as a family of parts. It helps you understand each part so you can heal old wounds and find balance.
2. How can IFS help me heal from trauma and toxic relationships?
A: By working with your inner parts, IFS helps you face pain and build self-compassion. This reduces trauma symptoms and improves emotional health.
3. How does IFS differ from other therapies?
A: IFS treats your mind as many parts working together rather than one single self. This lets you explore your inner world with kindness and control your healing journey.
4. Can I practice IFS on my own?
A: Yes, you can use journaling, visualization, and mindfulness at home. But working with a trained IFS practitioner can give you extra support.
5. Where can I find an IFS practitioner in Pittsburgh?
A: Look for qualified IFS therapists in local directories, ask for referrals, or visit our resource page to find a practitioner near you.
Embrace Your Inner World and Grow
Exploring your inner world with IFS Therapy can transform your life. In Pittsburgh, Philadelphia and across Pennslvania you are part of a supportive community that believes in healing and growth. By understanding your inner parts, practicing self-compassion, and seeking help when needed, you can unlock lasting happiness and peace.
Take the first step today. Your journey to self-discovery and healing begins now.
If you’re struggling to move forward from a toxic relationship, let’s work together. I offer virtual trauma therapy and intensives across Pittsburgh, Philadelphia, and all of Pennsylvania.
Join me on Facebook, Instagram, Pinterest, Google orTikTok for more educational tips & updates!
Disclaimer: Listen, what you see here on my blog or social media isn’t therapy, it’s meant to educate, inspire, and maybe even help you feel a little less alone. But if you’re in it right now and need real support, please reach out to a licensed therapist in your state who can walk alongside you in your healing journey. Therapy is personal, and you deserve a space that’s all about you. If you’re in PA and looking for a trauma therapist who gets it, I’m currently accepting new clients for trauma intensives. Let’s fast-track your healing journey, because you deserve to feel better, sooner.
Research Brief Author: Mariah J. Zur, M.S., LPC, CCTP
The Shocking Reason You Keep Returning to Toxic Relationships (And How Trauma Therapy Can Save You!)
Table of Contents
Let’s understand why…
Have you ever wondered, “Why do I keep going back to toxic relationships?” I know that feeling all too well, like being trapped on a roller coaster of pain and hope. Even when you’re successful at work, hidden wounds can make it hard to choose healthy love. In my work with high-achieving clients, I’ve seen how complex trauma often lies beneath the surface. In my intensive sessions, I help professionals look at these hidden patterns and create meaningful, real lasting change. Today, I’m excited to share research-backed insights and actionable tips on breaking this cycle through online trauma therapy.
Learn more about me by clicking here or learn more about my services by clicking here.
Why Do I Keep Going Back to Toxic Relationships?
What Is Trauma Bonding and How Does It Work?
Trauma bonding occurs when you form a deep, unhealthy connection with someone who hurts you. Imagine riding a roller coaster that’s both scary and oddly comforting, you keep coming back even though you know the ride hurts.
Trauma bonding is the emotional glue that keeps you attached to someone who repeatedly harms you, creating a confusing mix of pain and hope.
How does IFS therapy help heal trauma?
When you find yourself drawn back to a toxic relationship, even after hurtful experiences, there’s often an internal struggle happening beneath the surface. In Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy, we explore these different “parts” of you, because the pull you feel isn’t just about the relationship, it’s about something deeper.
Actionable Step: Start a journal, but instead of just tracking events, try this:
Pause & Notice – When you feel unusually attached, ask yourself: What part of me is feeling this pull? Does it feel like a younger version of me who is afraid of being alone? A part that believes love must be earned?
Write it Down – Describe the moment: What happened? What did that part of you believe in that moment? Was it seeking comfort, safety, or approval?
Get Curious, Not Judgmental – Instead of criticizing yourself for returning to this pattern, approach these parts with compassion. “Of course, this part of me wants connection. It makes sense.”
What this looks like in therapy with me: Together, we slow things down and gently explore these parts of you, not to judge them, but to help them feel seen, heard, and ultimately healed.
If you are looking for deep, transformational work like I just outlined you should schedule your FREE 15-minute consult with me to see if I could be the right therapist for you. I offer virtual trauma therapy in Pittsburgh, Philadelphia and across Pennsylvania. This is the work I am passionate about!
Could Hidden Emotional Wounds Be the Reason?
Sometimes, old emotional wounds make you think pain is normal. You might unknowingly repeat patterns because you’re trying to fill a void left by past hurts. For example,
A close friend kept returning to a partner who mistreated her because she believed, deep down, she didn’t deserve better.
Meeting the part of you that feels unworthy through IFS therapy:
If you’ve ever caught yourself thinking, Do I even deserve real love?, that’s not your whole truth, it’s a part of you speaking. In IFS therapy, we explore these parts with curiosity, not judgment.
Try This:
When that thought shows up, pause and ask:
What part of me believes I’m unworthy of love?
When did this part first show up?
What is it afraid will happen if I believe I deserve better?
This part isn’t the enemy, it’s likely protecting you from past hurt. In therapy, we help these parts feel seen and supported, so they no longer have to run the show.
What this looks like in therapy with me: We gently unpack these beliefs, so you can lead with self, your grounded, confident inner leader, rather than old wounds.
Is Narcissistic Abuse Part of the Problem?
What Are the Signs of Narcissistic Abuse?
Narcissistic abuse can be subtle yet damaging. Look for signs like gaslighting, manipulation, and feelings of constant diminishment.
Signs of narcissistic abuse include manipulation, gaslighting, and a persistent feeling of being unimportant after conversations.
Recognizing the Parts That Feel Confused or Small
When you feel confused or belittled in a relationship, it's not just about the moment, it’s about what it activates inside you. In IFS therapy, we look at the parts of you that have learned to tolerate this dynamic, often from past wounds.
Try This:
Write down moments when you felt dismissed, criticized, or doubted your own reality.
Ask: What part of me felt small in that moment?
Get curious: Has this feeling shown up in past relationships, or even childhood?
What this looks like in therapy with me: We gently explore these moments, giving your inner parts the validation and clarity they never received. Instead of questioning yourself, you’ll learn to trust your gut and reclaim your voice.
How Does Narcissistic Abuse Create a Cycle?
The pain from narcissistic abuse can create a desperate need for approval. The occasional praise, even if rare, can pull you back into the cycle. Educate yourself about these patterns and consider professional help to break free from the cycle. If you want to learn more you should explore this article "How to Spot Narcissistic Abuse," Darlene Lancer explains that "narcissists use destructive defense mechanisms that destroy relationships and cause pain and damage to their loved ones."
High-Achieving Individuals and Toxic Patterns
Why Do Successful People Still Struggle in Love?
It’s a common paradox: high-achieving individuals can excel at work yet struggle in relationships. The pressure to be perfect often makes you vulnerable to unhealthy patterns.
I once worked with a client who, despite her career success, kept falling into toxic relationships. Her fear of vulnerability and perfectionism masked deep, complex trauma. Through intensive sessions designed specifically for her, she learned to embrace her imperfections and build healthier connections. We did a deep exploration of her pattern in a 90-minute assessment and I built a custom treatment plan to work on that specific pattern or belief in her intensive. She walked away with greater insight and real tools to help her change her old patterns as she moved forward. Remember, healing is not linear. It is a continious journey.
Reflect on whether your drive for perfection is causing you to settle for less in love. Embrace vulnerability as a strength.
If this is the kind of change you are looking for, deep long-lasting change, schedule a free 15-minute consultation with me so we can talk about making a custom treatment plan for you.
Unique Guidance for High-Achievers
In my intensives, I help professionals understand hidden complex trauma that often goes unnoticed. Together, we break it down, understand the barriers that prevent genuine connection and you walk away with real tools to make meaningful change.
Imagine bringing your whole self into your relationships, success, vulnerability, and all, leading to more balanced and fulfilling love.
How Can Online Trauma Therapy Help Break the Cycle?
What Makes Online Therapy a Game-Changer?
Online trauma therapy offers a safe, flexible, and private way to start healing, no matter where you live, ideal for residents of Pittsburgh, Philadelphia, and across Pennsylvania.
Online trauma therapy provides accessible, confidential, and effective care that fits into even the busiest schedules. The best part, you can do virtual therapy from the comfort of your space. That means comfy clothes, a candle, coffee and a blanket. I love for my clients to be comfortable when connecting with me.
Research online therapy options and read reviews to find a service that feels right for you.
What Are Some Actionable Steps You Can Take Today?
Recognize the Cycle: Document the moments when you feel drawn back into toxic relationships.
Identify Triggers: Pinpoint what feelings or events lead to harmful patterns.
Take a Small Step: Schedule an online therapy session or try a self-help exercise this week. You can schedule a free consult with me directly on my website and be seen as soon as this week! Want to learn more about what trauma intensives are? Read my article.
Recent Statistics and Data Points
Cycle of Abuse:
Nearly 40% of individuals who leave abusive relationships end up returning, largely due to trauma bonding.
(Source: Journal of Interpersonal Violence)Narcissistic Abuse Prevalence:
Approximately 1 in 5 people have encountered narcissistic behavior in close relationships, often facing long-term emotional impacts.
(Source: Psychology Today)High-Achievers and Vulnerability:
Surveys indicate that high-achieving individuals are 25% more likely to experience relationship dysfunction due to perfectionistic tendencies and fear of vulnerability.
(Source: ResearchGate / Professional wellness surveys)Online Therapy Growth:
Online trauma therapy services have surged by over 150% in the past three years, highlighting a growing need for accessible mental health care.
(Source: American Psychological Association)Emotional Immaturity Impact:
Emotionally immature individuals in relationships face 30% more unresolved conflicts, fueling repetitive toxic cycles.
(Source: National Domestic Violence Hotline)
The numbers don’t lie, but neither do your gut feelings. If you recognize yourself in these stats, that’s your sign to stop Googling and start healing. Hit the consult button and let’s get to work.
Actionable Steps and Takeaways
Keep a Journal: Track your emotional responses after triggering interactions.
Identify Your Triggers: Write down specific moments when you feel drawn back into toxic patterns.
Reflect on Your Patterns: Ask yourself if past wounds or hidden trauma influence your choices.
Explore Online Therapy: If you’re in Pittsburgh, Philadelphia, or anywhere in Pennsylvania, consider trying online trauma therapy.
Book a Free Consultation: Take that first step toward healing by scheduling a free consultation with an online trauma therapy. expert.
Frequently Asked Questions
Understanding the Cycle
Q: Why do I keep returning to toxic relationships even though I know they hurt me?
A: Often, it’s due to trauma bonding, a cycle where pain and hope mix, making it hard to let go. Start by keeping a journal to spot these patterns.
Q: What exactly is trauma bonding, and how can I recognize it in my life?
A: Trauma bonding is a deep, unhealthy attachment formed during cycles of abuse and reward. If you feel an intense pull even after repeated hurt, this may be what you’re experiencing.
Narcissistic Abuse
Q: How do I know if I’m dealing with narcissistic abuse in my relationship?
A: Look for signs like gaslighting, manipulation, and feeling constantly diminished. Trust your instincts—if something feels off, it likely is.
Q: What are the signs of subtle emotional manipulation?
A: They include masked criticism, isolation from loved ones, and unpredictable moods that leave you confused.
Therapy and Healing
Q: How can trauma therapy online help me break this cycle?
A: Online trauma therapy offers flexibility, privacy, and expert guidance, making it easier to work through past hurts from anywhere in Pennsylvania.
Q: What techniques in trauma therapy are most effective for overcoming emotional abuse?
A: Approaches such as cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), mindfulness practices, and guided self-reflection have proven effective and are tailored to your needs.
High-Achiever Concerns
Q: Are successful, high-achieving people more prone to toxic relationship patterns?
A: Yes. High-achievers often face immense pressure to be perfect, which can hide deep, complex trauma and lead to unhealthy relationship choices.
Q: How do perfectionism and high expectations contribute to relationship dysfunction?
A: They can make you fear vulnerability and settle for less-than-ideal relationships. Recognizing these patterns is the first step toward healthier connections.
Practical Steps
Q: What are some actionable strategies to start healing right now?
A: Begin by journaling your feelings, identifying your triggers, and exploring online trauma therapy options. Small, consistent steps can lead to big changes.
What’s the next step?
Breaking free from toxic relationships starts with understanding why you return to them. By spotting a trauma bond, identifying signs of narcissistic abuse or a toxic relationship, and addressing the unique challenges of anxious adults, you can begin your journey toward healing. Online trauma therapy offers the flexibility, privacy, and expert support you need, whether you’re in Pittsburgh, Philadelphia, or anywhere in Pennsylvania.
Take one step today. Reflect, journal your feelings, or book a free consultation. You deserve a future filled with healthy, balanced relationships. Let’s break free from toxic cycles together!
If you’re struggling to move forward from a toxic relationship, let’s work together. I offer virtual trauma therapy and intensives across Pittsburgh, Philadelphia, and all of Pennsylvania.
Join me on Facebook, Instagram, Pinterest, Google orTikTok for more educational tips & updates!
Disclaimer: Listen, what you see here on my blog or social media isn’t therapy, it’s meant to educate, inspire, and maybe even help you feel a little less alone. But if you’re in it right now and need real support, please reach out to a licensed therapist in your state who can walk alongside you in your healing journey. Therapy is personal, and you deserve a space that’s all about you. If you’re in PA and looking for a trauma therapist who gets it, I’m currently accepting new clients for trauma intensives. Let’s fast-track your healing journey, because you deserve to feel better, sooner.
Research Brief Author: Mariah J. Zur, M.S., LPC, CCTP
Men Experience Emotional Abuse Too (And You Might Be Ignoring the Signs)
High-achieving men are often the last to recognize when they’re stuck in a toxic relationship. Why? Because society tells them to "man up," ignore their emotions, and handle everything on their own. But emotional abuse doesn’t care about your success, your intelligence, or your ability to problem-solve—it slowly chips away at your self-worth until you don’t even recognize yourself.
High-achieving. Respected. In control. That’s how the world sees you. Manipulated. Dismissed. Emotionally drained. That’s what’s really happening behind closed doors.
If you’re reading this, something deep inside of you is questioning it:
"Is this really abuse? Can men even be emotionally abused? Should I just suck it up?"
Here’s the truth: Yes, men experience emotional abuse too, and just because you’re successful, logical, and self-sufficient doesn’t mean you’re immune to it.
“She’s all I have.”
That’s what one of my clients told me. A 6’3”, former college athlete, a guy who commanded respect the second he walked into a room. He had the kind of presence that made people move out of his way.
And yet, he was completely controlled by a woman who never laid a hand on him.
His girlfriend, on the outside, would scream at him over the phone, threaten to leave him if he didn’t send money, and hang up whenever he showed emotion. She made him feel like he was nothing without her.
I remember one call in particular. I was in my office when he came in, pacing, gripping his head like he was trying to squeeze out the thoughts that wouldn’t stop.
“She said she’s gonna find someone else. I can’t lose her, man. She’s all I have.”
This was a man who had been through everything, divorced parents, fights, losing family, trauma I can’t even begin to describe. But what broke him? Emotional abuse.
Being told he was worthless if he didn’t comply.
Being told he’d never find someone else who would “put up with him.”
Being manipulated into thinking she was the only one who cared.
And I realized, this happens way too often but it’s not talked about in regards to men being the victims.
Men are emotionally abused every day, but they don’t recognize it until it’s too late.
The Hidden Reality of Emotional Abuse in Men
Most men in toxic relationships don’t even realize they’re being abused.
Why? Because society has conditioned men to believe:
They’re supposed to be “the strong one”, so asking for help feels like weakness.
If they’re not being physically hurt, it’s not real abuse.
If they make six figures, have status, or run their own business, they should be able to “handle it.”
But emotional abuse doesn’t care about your job title, paycheck, or status. It erodes your self-worth slowly, until one day, you don’t even recognize yourself.
Men in emotionally abusive relationships are more likely to experience anxiety, depression, and suicidal thoughts. According to the National Domestic Violence Hotline, 1 in 7 men will experience intimate partner violence, including emotional and psychological abuse. (Source)
And yet… so many suffer in silence.
5 Signs You’re in an Emotionally Abusive Relationship (That You’re Probably Ignoring)
1. You constantly feel like you’re failing, even though you’re doing everything right. She moves the goalposts, every time you meet an expectation, she changes the rules.
"You should have known what I needed." or "You’re lucky I even put up with you."
No matter how much you give, it’s never enough.
2. She downplays your accomplishments, but expects the world from you. She expects you to provide, be emotionally available, and make her happy… but when do you get that in return?
"Must be nice to have time to focus on your career." or "Oh wow, you think you’re so successful now?"
If your achievements feel more like a burden than a win, that’s a red flag.
3. She uses your emotions against you. The second you bring up a problem, the tables turn:
"Wow, so now you’re blaming me?"
"You’re too sensitive. You’re overreacting."
"If you really loved me, you wouldn’t bring this up."
You start questioning yourself instead of holding her accountable. That’s manipulation.
4. You feel more drained than loved. Instead of feeling recharged and supported, you feel:
Exhausted from the constant emotional chaos.
Like you can’t relax, even when she’s not around.
Disconnected from your own emotions because you’ve been suppressing them for so long.
Love isn’t supposed to deplete you.
5. You’re scared to leave, but not because you love her.
You’re scared of being alone.
You’re scared no one else will love you.
You’re scared of what she’ll do if you leave.
That’s not love. That’s control.
If this sounds like you, it’s time to stop minimizing your experience. You deserve better.
Why High-Achieving Men Get Stuck in Toxic Relationships
Most high-achieving men don’t recognize the abuse because they’re wired to problem-solve. You think if you just work harder, communicate better, or give more, things will change. You see the relationship as a challenge to fix, not a toxic cycle to break.
But you can’t outwork someone else’s lack of accountability.
A recent study from the American Psychological Association found that men in emotionally abusive relationships are more likely to suffer in silence due to fear of judgment. (Source)
Ready to Break the Cycle? Let’s Talk.
Men experience emotional abuse too. And ignoring it won’t make it go away.
You’ve been through enough. It’s time to heal.
📍 Book a free consult with a therapist who understands.
📍 Explore how trauma intensives can help you heal.
📍 Read more about emotional abuse and start reclaiming your power.
Because your mental health matters too.
FAQs
How do I know if I’m being emotionally abused?
If your relationship leaves you feeling confused, drained, or constantly blamed, that’s a sign. Emotional abuse isn’t always obvious, it often shows up as manipulation, guilt-tripping, or dismissing your emotions.
Can men really be victims of emotional abuse?
Yes. 1 in 7 men experience emotional abuse from a partner. The stigma makes it harder for men to recognize or admit it, but abuse doesn’t care about gender. (Source)
What should I do if I think I’m in a toxic relationship?
Acknowledge it. Seek support. Create an exit plan. You don’t have to leave immediately, but you do need to stop gaslighting yourself. Talking to a therapist can help you process what’s happening and take the next step.
If you’re struggling to move forward from a toxic relationship, let’s work together. I offer virtual trauma therapy and intensives across Pittsburgh, Philadelphia, and all of Pennsylvania.
Join me on Facebook, Instagram, Pinterest, Google orTikTok for more educational tips & updates!
Disclaimer: Listen, what you see here on my blog or social media isn’t therapy, it’s meant to educate, inspire, and maybe even help you feel a little less alone. But if you’re in it right now and need real support, please reach out to a licensed therapist in your state who can walk alongside you in your healing journey. Therapy is personal, and you deserve a space that’s all about you. If you’re in PA and looking for a trauma therapist who gets it, I’m currently accepting new clients for trauma intensives. Let’s fast-track your healing journey, because you deserve to feel better, sooner.
Research Brief Author: Mariah J. Zur, M.S., LPC, CCTP
Looking for a trauma therapist in Pennsylvania? Mariah J. Zur, LPC specializes in trauma therapy for men recovering from toxic relationships, narcissistic abuse, and emotional manipulation. Virtual trauma therapy sessions available for clients in Pittsburgh, Philadelphia, and throughout PA.
High-achieving men often overlook the signs of emotional abuse. If you constantly feel like you’re failing, walking on eggshells, or doubting your reality in a relationship, you might be experiencing psychological abuse. Therapy for men can help you rebuild confidence, set boundaries, and heal from toxic patterns.
Signs of emotional abuse in men include manipulation, guilt-tripping, stonewalling, and being made to feel like nothing you do is enough. If you're experiencing these, seeking trauma-informed therapy could be the next step toward healing.
Why You Miss Your Toxic Ex on Valentine’s Day (and How to Stop)
Still thinking about your toxic ex this Valentine’s Day? It’s not love, it’s trauma bonding. Your brain is hooked on the highs and lows of the relationship, making it feel impossible to move on. But the good news? You can break free. Don’t let nostalgia pull you back into the cycle. Learn how to heal from a toxic ex and move forward with confidence.
Valentine’s Day is supposed to be about love, connection, and celebration. But if you're fresh out of a toxic relationship, it can feel like a gut punch. Instead of looking forward to flowers and dinner dates, you find yourself obsessing over someone who treated you like sh*t, but you still want them back.
You’re not crazy. You’re not weak. You’re human.
The emotional pull toward a toxic ex is powerful, and the pain is real. But the good news? You don’t have to stay stuck in this cycle.
In this post, we’ll break down:
✅ Why your brain tricks you into missing your toxic ex
✅ The psychological hold of toxic relationships
✅ Why Valentine’s Day intensifies these feelings
✅ How to stop craving someone who never valued you
✅ Healing strategies that actually work
If you’re in Pittsburgh, Philadelphia, or anywhere in Pennsylvania, looking for expert guidance, this is for you.
Why Do You Still Miss Your Toxic Ex? (Even When They Treated You Like Sh*t?)
1. Your Brain Is Addicted to the Highs and Lows
Toxic relationships operate like dopamine-fueled roller coasters, moments of extreme love followed by gut-wrenching rejection. This cycle rewires your brain to crave them, just like an addiction.
2. You Confuse Familiarity with Love
Humans crave what’s familiar, even when it’s harmful. If chaos and emotional unavailability felt normal in your past relationships, your brain associates toxicity with comfort.
3. You’re Seeking Closure That Will Never Come
Narcissists and emotionally abusive partners rarely give closure. You may feel like you just need one last conversation to “understand” why they treated you this way, but deep down, you know you’ll never get the answer that makes it make sense.
4. Valentine’s Day Exaggerates Emotional Longing
A 2023 study from Psychology Today found that individuals often feel more distressed than expected on Valentine’s Day due to increased thoughts about past relationships. Seeing couples post their “perfect” relationships online can trigger loneliness and nostalgia, but social media isn’t reality.
5. Social Media Keeps You Stuck
Speaking of social mediam are you still checking their Instagram or watching their stories? 88% of people admit to checking their ex’s social media after a breakup, even though they know it makes them feel worse. The more you lurk, the longer you stay trapped.
How to Stop Missing a Toxic Ex on Valentine’s Day
1. Go No Contact (Seriously, Block Them)
If you haven’t already, BLOCK. DELETE. REMOVE.
Think about this: Every time you check their page, you’re re-opening a wound that should be healing.
2. Replace Toxic Nostalgia with Reality Checks
When you find yourself romanticizing the relationship, ask yourself:
➡️ Was I ever truly happy in this relationship?
➡️ How did they actually make me feel on a daily basis?
➡️ Would I want a friend or loved one to be treated the way I was?
3. Unfollow & Mute Valentine’s Day Triggers
Social media algorithms will shove couple content down your throat this week. Mute or unfollow accounts that make you feel worse.
4. Create a “Goodbye Letter” (And Don’t Send It)
Write a letter saying everything you wish you could say to your ex, but never send it. This is for your healing, not for their validation.
5. Shift the Focus to Self-Love & Growth
Plan a solo Valentine’s Day ritual that celebrates YOU.
Book a spa day.
Go on a weekend trip to Pittsburgh, Philly, or your favorite PA getaway. Take yourself to an amazing brunch in Pittsburgh or take yourself to a dinner/enertainment show in Philadelphia.
Start therapy (we’ll talk about that next). Or jump right too it and check out what I offer, this is my speciality!
When to Seek Therapy for Toxic Relationship Recovery
If you’re feeling:
❌ Emotionally stuck and unable to move on
❌ Obsessed with getting answers from your ex
❌ Trapped in a cycle of self-blame and rumination
❌ Drawn back into toxic patterns with new relationships
It’s time to seek professional support.
A licensed trauma therapist can help you:
✔ Detach from toxic relationship patterns
✔ Rebuild your self-esteem and confidence
✔ Understand why you stayed, and how to break free for good
If you’re in Pittsburgh, Philadelphia, or anywhere in Pennsylvania, I offer virtual trauma therapy sessions to help you heal from toxic relationships.
Schedule your free consultation by clicking here.
FAQs: Your Biggest Questions Answered
1. Why do I still miss my toxic ex despite knowing they were bad for me?
Your brain gets hooked on the highs and lows of the relationship. It's not love, it's trauma bonding.
2. How can I cope with loneliness on Valentine's Day after a breakup?
Plan something special for yourself. Treat yourself like you wish your ex had treated you.
3. Is it normal to want to contact my toxic ex on holidays?
Yes, but that doesn’t mean you should. Wanting comfort is human, but reaching out will set you back.
4. What are the best ways to avoid contacting my toxic ex?
Block them, delete their number, and remove social media triggers. Out of sight, out of mind.
5. How can I focus on self-love after a toxic relationship?
Therapy, self-care, and surrounding yourself with people who truly value you.
You Deserve More
Valentine’s Day doesn’t have to be a painful reminder of what you lost, it can be a turning point toward what you truly deserve.
Let this year be the time you choose yourself.
If you’re struggling to move forward from a toxic relationship, let’s work together. I offer virtual trauma therapy and intensives across Pittsburgh, Philadelphia, and all of Pennsylvania.
Schedule a FREE 15-minute consultation with me now by clicking this link.
Take this free quiz to see if you are over your toxic ex or if they are still living rent-free in your head.
Join me on Facebook, Instagram, Pinterest, Google orTikTok for more educational tips & updates!
Disclaimer: Listen, what you see here on my blog or social media isn’t therapy, it’s meant to educate, inspire, and maybe even help you feel a little less alone. But if you’re in it right now and need real support, please reach out to a licensed therapist in your state who can walk alongside you in your healing journey. Therapy is personal, and you deserve a space that’s all about you. If you’re in PA and looking for a trauma therapist who gets it, I’m currently accepting new clients for trauma intensives. Let’s fast-track your healing journey, because you deserve to feel better, sooner.
Research Brief Author: Mariah J. Zur, M.S., LPC, CCTP
Feeling Stuck in Therapy? How an Intensive Can Help You Move Forward
I know what it feels like to be stuck, trapped by toxic relationships and unhealed trauma. In this post, I share how therapy intensives using Internal Family Systems and somatic experiencing fast-tracked my healing journey. If you're a high-achiever in Pittsburgh, Philadelphia, or anywhere in Pennsylvania ready to stop letting your trauma keep you stuck and you want to find your true self, join me as I share the breakthrough approach that transformed my life.
If you've ever felt like you're stuck in therapy, you’re not alone. Sometimes, it can feel like progress is slow, and that’s frustrating when you’re so so ready for change. But here’s the thing: healing doesn’t always have to happen over months or years. Therapy intensives offer a powerful way to make breakthroughs faster. In this blog, I’ll explore why feeling stuck is normal and how a therapy intensive can help you move forward in your healing journey, especially if you’re a high-achiever healing from toxic relationships in Pittsburgh, Philadelphia or across Pennsylvania.
Why You Might Feel Stuck
Many of us, particularly those who have thrived in demanding environments, can feel trapped by our emotional wounds, past or history. Often, complex trauma, especially from toxic relationships, has a way of hiding in plain sight. Traditional talk therapy sometimes struggles to “move the needle” when it comes to deep trauma because it may not fully address the layers of emotional and bodily stored stress. Feeling stuck is simply a sign that there are deeper issues needing a different approach.
What is a Therapy Intensive?
A therapy intensive is a concentrated period of time, often a day or a few days, where you and your therapist work deeply on the challenges holding you back. Instead of spreading sessions out over weeks, you get the time and focus to work through complex emotions and patterns. Therapy intensives often use specialized approaches, like Internal Family Systems (IFS) or Body-Based Interventions, to help you process things faster.
How Therapy Intensives Create Breakthroughs
Therapy Intensives in Pittsburgh, Philadelphia and across Pennsylvania are designed for individuals who are ready to do the deep work with a therapist and experience rapid transformation. Here’s why they work so well:
Immersive Experience: Instead of spreading sessions out over months, an intensive condenses powerful work into an extended session or a short series of sessions. This focused timeframe can accelerate insights and breakthroughs.
Internal Family Systems (IFS): I use IFS to help you understand and heal your inner parts, especially those burdened by complex trauma. Want to learn more about IFS and my approach, click here. Unlike traditional talk therapy, IFS provides a structured approach to access and reframe hidden emotional trauma, creating a more holistic healing process (which I love because I know it works!)
Somatic Experiencing: By integrating somatic experiencing, I help you reconnect with your body’s wisdom. Trauma isn’t only stored in your mind; it lives in your body too. This body-based intervention allows you to release built up stress and emotions, making way for true healing. This usually is the piece missing in trauma work.
For additional research on how Internal Family Systems and somatic experiencing can accelerate healing from complex trauma, I encourage you to explore the IFS Institute's research page, review insights on somatic interventions at TraumaHealing, and examine a comprehensive peer-reviewed study on body-based therapies for a better understanding.
So, how do intensives help you move forward?
They provide uninterrupted focus: With no time constraints, you can dive deeper into emotions and experiences. Faster progress: Many clients report feeling more clarity and relief after just one intensive. Customized tools: You'll walk away with practical strategies and insights to use in daily life. If you’re worried about the intensity, know that therapists pace sessions to match your needs. It’s not about overwhelming you, it’s about creating space for healing.
Frequently Asked Questions
1. What’s the difference between trauma therapy intensives and traditional intensive outpatient therapy in Pennsylvania?
I offer trauma therapy intensives that provide an immersive, short-term experience focused on deep healing. Unlike traditional intensive outpatient therapy, which unfolds over several weeks or months, my intensive sessions are concentrated and highly personalized, enabling quicker breakthroughs and more sustained emotional growth. I’m here to support you every step of the way on your journey to healing.
2. Should I choose a trauma therapy intensive session or standard outpatient therapy in PA?
Deciding between a trauma therapy intensive session and standard outpatient therapy in Pennsylvania depends on your personal needs and lifestyle. In my intensive retreat, I create a secluded, supportive environment where you can disconnect from daily stresses and fully immerse yourself in the healing process. If you need to balance treatment with everyday responsibilities, standard outpatient therapy might be a better fit. However, if you’re ready for a transformative, breakthrough, my intensives model is designed specifically for that deep level of work.
3. How do trauma therapy intensives in PA help heal emotional wounds or trauma?
My trauma therapy intensives in Pennsylvania are designed to address the complexities of deep trauma and pain through a focused, immersive process. I combine evidence-based practices with a personalized approach, helping you process unresolved trauma, build emotional resilience, and rediscover your inner strength. This method not only provides immediate relief but also sets the stage for long-term healing and personal growth.
4. What should I expect during my first trauma therapy intensive session in Pennsylvania?
During our first session together, you can expect a warm welcome into a safe, non-judgmental space where your unique experiences are truly valued. I begin with a comprehensive 90-minute assessment to understand your background and current challenges, then work with you to develop a personalized treatment plan that aligns with your healing goals. My aim is to ensure that from the very first moment, you feel understood, empowered, and ready to embark on your transformative journey.
5. How do I choose the right trauma therapy intensive program in PA for my healing journey?
Choosing the right trauma therapy intensive program in Pennsylvania is all about finding a structure and approach that resonate with your personal needs. I focus on offering a clear, evidence-based methodology and a client-centered approach that puts your well-being first. If you’re seeking a deeply persona experience, I encourage you to reach out for a consultation so we can determine if my program is the right fit for your unique healing journey.
How do I get unstuck?
Recognize the Signs:
Start by acknowledging that feeling stuck is a natural part of processing deep trauma. Ask yourself: Am I noticing recurring patterns or emotional blocks that seem resistant to change?
Reflect on Your History:
Many high-achievers may not realize that their past, especially toxic relationships, has left a mark. Take a moment to journal about any lingering emotions or unexplained behaviors. Awareness is the first step toward transformation.
Consider an Intensive Approach:
If traditional talk therapy hasn’t brought the progress you need, a therapy intensive might be your answer. This experience works, it can help you access parts of yourself that have been waiting to be heard and healed.
Explore Integrative Modalities:
Think about the benefits of combining IFS with somatic experiencing. This dual approach addresses both the mental and physical aspects of trauma, offering a more comprehensive path to healing.
Take the Quiz to see if a Trauma Intensive
is right for you.
So, now what?
Feeling stuck doesn’t mean therapy isn’t working, it just means you might need a new approach. Therapy intensives can help you gain momentum and move closer to the life you want. If you’re in Pittsburgh, Philadelphia or anywhere in Pennsylvania and feel that you’re ready to break free from the cycle of feeling stuck, I want you to reach out. As a licensed therapist specializing in IFS and somatic experiencing, I work with high-achievers healing from toxic relationships who are ready to make a real change. My therapy intensives are designed to help you uncover and heal the deep trauma that traditional talk therapy might miss.
Don’t let another day go by feeling trapped. Contact me today to explore whether a therapy intensive is the right step for you. Let’s work together to create the breakthrough you’ve been longing for.
I remember the nights when I felt completely lost, laying in bed overthinking about what I could have, should have or would have done in my toxic relationships or at work. I had so much unspoken frustration that traditional talk therapy just wasn’t reaching. Having a therapist who challenged me to see things differently through trauma intensives through Internal Family Systems (IFS) and somatic experiencing was a turning point for me; it helped me face my pain that I had hidden away through a succesful career and picture perfect life. I’m so passionate about this work because I know what it’s like to be a high-achiever feeling trapped by the weight of unhealed trauma (I didn’t know I had) and wanting a transformation to happen quick that felt both raw and real. My commitment is to create a space where you can truly meet every part of yourself, honor your journey, and break free from the cycles that hold you back. Every step of this healing process is about embracing who you are and stepping into a life defined not by your past, but by your limitless potential.
“Standard therapy often keeps you safe with your old story, but real change comes when you knock down your walls and rebuild who you really are.”
Join me on Facebook, Instagram, Pinterest, Google orTikTok for more educational tips & updates!
Disclaimer: Listen, what you see here on my blog or social media isn’t therapy, it’s meant to educate, inspire, and maybe even help you feel a little less alone. But if you’re in it right now and need real support, please reach out to a licensed therapist in your state who can walk alongside you in your healing journey. Therapy is personal, and you deserve a space that’s all about you. If you’re in PA and looking for a trauma therapist who gets it, I’m currently accepting new clients for trauma intensives. Let’s fast-track your healing journey, because you deserve to feel better, sooner.
Research Brief Author: Mariah J. Zur, M.S., LPC, CCTP
Why Do I Miss My Toxic Ex? The Psychology Behind Trauma Bonds
Struggling to let go of a toxic ex? Discover the psychology of trauma bonds, how inmate manipulation tactics mirror toxic relationships, and how to break free for good.
I’ve seen trauma bonds in some of the darkest places. Places where you’d think love wouldn’t survive, let alone thrive. But here’s the thing, trauma bonds aren’t love. They’re survival. And nowhere did I see that more clearly than when I worked in a prison. We’re going to explore the 4 signs of a trauma bond and what steps to take to break it.
The Prison Love Story No One Talks About
I watched staff, guards, counselors, even seasoned officers, get involved in toxic, manipulative, ride-or-die relationships with inmates. These weren’t just casual flings or prison pen-pal romances. This was deep psychological enmeshment, the kind that looks a hell of a lot like what my clients experience with toxic exes.
It usually started the same way. A correctional officer would show up, confident and by the book. But then an inmate would start reading them like a goddamn novel, finding their weaknesses, their loneliness, their need for validation. And before they knew it, they were hooked.
It wasn’t the inmate’s bad side that got them. It was the good moments. The times when they felt seen, special, chosenin a way no one else made them feel. Maybe it was a simple, “You’re different from the others.” Maybe it was a story about how they were misunderstood, how no one believed in them. And maybe, just maybe, the officer started believing they could be the one to save them. Sound familiar?
They’d start covering for the inmate, making excuses, even smuggling in contraband. Risking their jobs, their reputations, their damn freedom. And the worst part? They knew it was toxic. They knew they were being manipulated. But the high of those good moments? Unmatched.
Then, of course, came the crash. The moment the inmate turned on them, discarded them, betrayed them, got what they needed and moved on to the next. And suddenly, the officer was left in the wreckage, wondering, How the hell did I get here?
And that’s when it hit me. This is exactly what happens in toxic relationships outside of prison.
A trauma bond is not love. It’s an emotional attachment built through abuse, manipulation, and unpredictable reinforcement. It’s why you can know, logically, that someone is hurting you, but still crave them like a drug.
Toxic relationships have a pattern:
Love-bombing: They shower you with affection, make you feel special.
Devaluation: Slowly, the insults start. The silent treatment. The pushing and pulling.
Intermittent Reinforcement: One day they’re amazing, the next they’re cruel. You never know which version you’re going to get and your brain gets addicted to the chase.
Discard: When they’re done, they leave you feeling empty, questioning your worth, wondering how you could ever get them back.
Sound familiar? This is the same cycle I watched play out in prison.
A study published in the Journal of Traumatic Stress found that relationship variables, such as total abuse, intermittent abuse, and power imbalances, accounted for 55% of the variance in attachment strength among individuals in abusive relationships. In other words? More than half of people in toxic relationships develop deep emotional attachments to their abuser, making it incredibly difficult to leave.
If your ex treated you like trash, why do you still want them? Because your brain is wired to seek familiarity over happiness.
You know that feeling when they pull away just enough to make you crave their love again? That’s not an accident, it’s intermittent reinforcement. Research shows that inconsistent abuse patterns actually make victims more emotionally attached to their abuser, not less. The uncertainty of whether you'll get affection or cruelty keeps the brain locked in a cycle of hope and desperation.
Dopamine & Cortisol: The highs and lows of a toxic relationship trigger the same chemical response as a drug addiction. You’re literally withdrawing from them.
Intermittent Reinforcement: You’re not in love with them. You’re addicted to the possibility of getting that good version of them back.
Unresolved Childhood Wounds: If chaos feels like home, your brain mistakes it for love.
This is why logic alone won’t save you. You need a real strategy to break free.
People often ask, "Why don’t they just leave?" But leaving isn’t just about walking away, it’s about rewiring the brain. Studies show that victims of trauma bonds develop an emotional dependence on their abuser due to the cycle of abuse alternating with affection. This is what makes breaking free so damn hard, the brain mistakes survival for love.
These stats aren’t just research, they’re proof that you’re not crazy, weak, or overreacting. Trauma bonds hijack your brain chemistry, trapping you in a cycle that feels impossible to break. But here’s the thing: You don’t have to stay stuck.
No Contact (or Limited Contact): Treat them like the addiction they are, block, delete, go ghost.
Name the Pattern: Write down every time they made you feel small. When you see the cycle, you stop romanticizing the highs.
Rewire Your Brain: Instead of focusing on “what if,” ask yourself: Would I want this for someone I love?
Do the Deep Work: This isn’t just about them. This is about the part of you that craves dysfunction. That’s what needs healing.
Get Support: Trauma bonds don’t break overnight. That’s why I offer trauma therapy intensives, to help you break free for good.
This is your wake-up call…
I know you’ve been stuck in your head, trying to logic your way out of this. If thinking about it was enough, you’d be free by now. But here you are—still spiraling, still missing them, still replaying every “good moment” like it somehow cancels out the damage.
Let’s get real: Trauma bonds don’t break with time. They break when you take action.
That’s exactly why I created my Trauma Therapy Intensives—because waiting and “figuring it out” is what keeps people stuck for years. You need a plan, a system, a f*cking exit strategy.
Here’s how we do this, together:
90-Minute Assessment: We uncover exactly why you’re stuck, how this trauma bond formed, and what’s keeping you emotionally hooked. (Hint: It’s deeper than “love.”)
90-Minute Intensive: This is where we rewire your nervous system, process the emotional addiction, and create a clear AF path forward. Using IFS, EMDR, nervous system regulation, and inner child work, we break the hold this person has on you so you can breathe again.
FREE 45-Minute Follow-Up Session: Because healing doesn’t end after one session. We integrate everything, make sure you’re feeling solid, and adjust as needed.
Real Talk: My clients leave these intensives feeling lighter, clearer, and finally in control.
One client told me she walked in feeling like she’d “never get over him” and left knowing exactly what she needed to do next, without second-guessing.
Another client realized she wasn’t just grieving her ex, she was grieving the childhood wounds that made her crave that chaos in the first place. That clarity changed everything.
One more? A high-achieving client who had it “together” in every area except this one finally saw why she kept attracting the same toxic dynamic, and how to break the cycle for good.
If you’re in Pittsburgh, Philadelphia, or anywhere in Pennsylvania, my trauma therapy intensives are available virtually so you can heal from home.
1.Why do I still miss my toxic ex even though they hurt me?
Your brain is chemically wired to crave what feels familiar, even when it’s harmful. Trauma bonds mimic addiction, it’s not love, it’s withdrawal.
2. How long does it take to break a trauma bond?
It varies. Some people feel relief in a few months, others need focused trauma work to fully rewire their brain. Healing isn’t linear, but it is possible.
3. Can a trauma bond turn into a healthy relationship?
If the relationship involved narcissistic abuse, no. If it was due to mutual unhealed trauma, deep therapy is required. But toxic love rarely turns healthy.
4. What is the fastest way to heal from a trauma bond?
Structured healing. Trauma therapy intensives help you break the cycle fast and finally feel free.
5. How do I know if I am trauma bond?
If you feel obsessively attached to someone who hurts you, lies to you, or keeps you in a cycle of highs and lows, you’re likely in a trauma bond.
6. What are the most common inmate manipulation tactics?
Inmates who manipulate staff use psychological control to gain favors, protection, or even help escaping. This is the same dynamic seen in toxic relationships.
The Most Common Inmate Manipulation Tactics:
✔ Love-Bombing & Grooming – “You’re the only one who really understands me.”
✔ Playing the Victim – “I was wrongfully accused. You’re the only one who believes me.”
✔ Gaslighting – “I never said that. You must be imagining things.”
✔ Exploiting Sympathy – “If you cared about me, you’d help me.”
✔ Creating Dependence – They isolate staff, making them feel special or needed.
Sound familiar? That’s because these same tactics are used by narcissists, abusers, and toxic partners to manipulate relationships. Don’t fall for it. Whether it’s an inmate or an ex, manipulation is manipulation.
You’re not crazy, you were conditioned.
I’ve seen some of the strongest people get trapped in trauma bonds. You are not weak. You are not stupid. You are not crazy. You are human. And you can break free.
If this hit home, you don’t have to do this alone. I offer trauma therapy intensives designed to help you stop missing them, stop overanalyzing, and start healing, all from the comfort of your home.
This Is Your Moment. Do Something About It.
You don’t need more time, more thinking, or another night of stalking their social media. You need a breakthrough. And that’s what we’re doing in this intensive.
I have three intensive spots left for the month of February. Once they’re gone, they’re gone. If you're in Pittsburgh, Philadelphia, or anywhere in Pennsylvania, we can work together virtually.
You deserve more than survival. You deserve peace.
Disclaimer: Listen, what you see here on my blog or social media isn’t therapy, it’s meant to educate, inspire, and maybe even help you feel a little less alone. But if you’re in it right now and need real support, please reach out to a licensed therapist in your state who can walk alongside you in your healing journey. Therapy is personal, and you deserve a space that’s all about you. If you’re in PA and looking for a trauma therapist who gets it, I’m currently accepting new clients for trauma intensives. Let’s fast-track your healing journey, because you deserve to feel better, sooner.
Research Brief Author: Mariah J. Zur, M.S., LPC, CCTP
Why Perfectionism Is Destroying Your Peace (and How to Break Free NOW) | Therapy Options in Pittsburgh
Struggling with perfectionism? It's sabotaging your peace and leaving you exhausted. Learn how perfectionism destroys your mental health and discover actionable steps to break free for good.
Understanding Perfectionism: The Hidden Culprit
What is Perfectionism, Really?
Perfectionism isn’t about high standards, it’s about the deep-seated belief that you’re only worthy if you’re flawless. So let’s talk about how perfectionism affects your mental and emotional well-being. As therapist who worked in the Department of Corrections, I was always expected to be the "perfect" leader, problem-solver, and support system for everyone, constantly pushing myself beyond limits, not realizing the impact it was taking.
I’ve been where you are, feeling stuck, burnt out, and unfulfilled despite my success. In my own journey, I still struggle with the belief that I need to do everything perfectly, and I've learned that healing is all about continuously freeing myself from that narrative. Learn more about how I can help you on your path to healing and peace by clicking here or keep reading this article to learn steps you can take on your own.
How Perfectionism Destroys Your Peace
“Perfectionism is the subtle enemy of happiness and fulfillment. It convinces you that achieving a flawless life is the only way to find peace, but the reality is the opposite.”
Perfectionism steals your peace by creating a constant state of stress and anxiety. You’re always focused on doing more, achieving more, and doing it right, but it’s never enough. When I worked for the prison, I was the “go-to” person for everything, handling crisis situations, managing staff conflicts, and being the emotional support for everyone around me. While I appeared to have it all together, I was slowly suffocating inside (but I never showed it). If you curious about what the signs of perfectionism are you can learn more by clicking here or you can keep reading to learn about the perfectionism cycle.
The Perfectionism Cycle: Why You Feel Stuck
“Perfectionism often leads to burnout, depression, and anxiety because it demands unrealistic standards that can never truly be met, causing a constant cycle of self-criticism and stress.”
The “Never Enough” Mindset
No matter how much you accomplish, perfectionism will always tell you it’s not enough. You feel like you’re running in circles, unable to catch your breath. I’d successfully managed high-stress situations in corrections and handled my responsibilities with ease, but there was always a nagging feeling that I hadn’t done enough, that something was still missing. Perfectionism had me trapped in a cycle of stress and self-doubt. You know, trying to be perfect while working in corrections really impacted me more than I was willing to admit. I started leaning on nightly wine and falling into toxic relationships, anything to avoid facing how much I was really struggling. It was like I was telling myself I was okay, but deep down I knew I was just running from my own shit.
If you want to read more on how perfectionsim impacts your mental health, click here OR keep reading to understand how perfectionism shows up in high-achievers (like you!).
Perfectionism in High Achievers: More Than Just Expectations
High-achieving individuals often feel the pressure to be perfect in all aspects of their lives. But perfectionism isn't a badge of honor; it's a path to burnout, especially when you’re always trying to please others. I felt the weight of perfectionism every day at work, there was this constant pressure to be the perfect leader, the perfect therapist, the perfect colleague. The reality? It left me emotionally drained and disconnected from my own needs. But I wasn’t letting anyone see that…
Breaking Free from Perfectionism: Your First Steps
Ready to learn more about intensives? Click here!
Ready to learn more about intensives? Click here!
Acknowledge the Issue: You Don’t Have to Be Perfect
The first step to healing is recognizing the impact perfectionism is taking on you. Acknowledging that you don't have to do it all, be it all, or have it all is liberating. In 2023, I realized that my perfectionism was keeping me stuck, and I was too afraid to let go. It wasn’t until I acknowledged that I didn’t have to “save” everyone and be everything for everyone that my healing began.
Did you know?
Perfectionism often is connected to past toxic relationships, like narcissistic abuse. If you're struggling with both, check out my blog by clicking here on healing from narcissistic abuse to uncover how these patterns impact your life and how to start healing.
If you’re seeking narcissistic abuse recovery in Pittsburgh or simply need a Pittsburgh trauma therapist to address long-held self-critical beliefs, understanding perfectionism’s root causes is essential. Learn more about me to see if I am the right therapist for you!
As a Pittsburgh trauma therapist, I’ve worked with countless individuals trapped by perfectionism and past toxic relationships. Whether you’re exploring narcissistic abuse recovery in Pittsburgh or looking for ways to manage burnout, the principles here can guide you toward meaningful change.
Shift Your Focus from “Perfect” to “Progress”
Instead of trying to be perfect, aim for progress. Start small, celebrate the wins, and embrace the journey instead of focusing on an unreachable goal. When I let go of the need to be “perfect” and started focusing on small, achievable goals, like prioritizing my mental health with weekly therapy, I finally started moving forward. Progress over perfection became my mantra but I still find myself struggling with truly honoring that mindset every day. Some days I joke that I've discovered the secret to perfection, but most days my husband is there to guide me back to embracing progress over perfection.
Setting Boundaries to Protect Your Peace
One of the most powerful ways to work through perfectionism is by setting boundaries. You can’t do it all, and that’s okay. In my role at the prison, I was constantly asked for emotional support, advice, and answers. Setting boundaries, saying “no” when I needed to rest or focus on my own well-being, was a game-changer. Fun fact though, easier said than done. I wasn’t able to do this until I was completly burntout and instead of dealing with my burnout I was looking for a new job… every…single...day. Setting boundaries isn’t selfish; it’s essential for your mental health.
The Power of Trauma Therapy Intensives
Why Trauma Intensives Are a Game-Changer
Trauma intensives focus on deeper, faster healing. They offer a structured approach to breaking free from the cycle of perfectionism and emotional burnout. I went through 90-minute weekly trauma intensives for three months to work through my trauma, perfectionism and find my sense of self again because I was finally ready to look myself in the mirror. One year later, as I sit here writing this, I'm happily married, have made the courageous decision to leave my doctoral program, and I'm running my own private practice, all of which are things that make me happy and give me the life I always dreamed of. Thanks to these intensives it gave me the clarity and strength I needed to start living authentically.
Your Healing Journey Starts NOW
Trauma therapy intensives help you address the causes of your perfectionism, leading to lasting change. Breaking free from perfectionism isn’t easy, but it is possible. My own personal experience with trauma intensives gave me the tools I needed to start living my life for me, and they can do the same for you which is why I am so passionate about offering these services to you. I know firsthand the impact they can have on your life, I’m proof of that. Schedule a consultation for individual or trauma intensives in Pittsburgh, Pa; I am currently accepting new clients.
Download my free workbook on how to break free from perfectionism by clicking the button below.
Letting Go of Perfectionism and Embracing Peace
Give Yourself Permission to Be Human
Perfectionism makes you think you have to be everything to everyone. But guess what? You don’t. Give yourself permission to be human, to make mistakes, and to embrace your authentic self. I thought I had to be perfect in every area of my life. But the moment I gave myself permission to be imperfect, everything started to fall into place. Life became about progress, not perfection.
Ready to Break Free?
Through these trauma intensives, you’ll uncover and gently release long-held emotional wounds, experience healing and renewed self-trust. By gaining clarity and self-compassion in a supportive space, you’ll leave feeling stronger, more empowered, and ready to move forward with greater strength.
If you’re ready to stop chasing perfection and start living authentically, I’m here to help. Book a trauma intensive today, and let’s begin the process of reclaiming your peace and breaking free from perfectionism. These focused, transformative sessions provide the tools and insights to help you regain peace and leave toxic patterns behind.
Or if you are a female who works in law enforcement/corrections/attorney/criminal justice system sign up for my 3-Day Email Series that is packed with educational content and tips to break the cycle of perfectionism in a male-dominated work environment.
Disclaimer: Listen, what you see here on my blog or social media isn’t therapy, it’s meant to educate, inspire, and maybe even help you feel a little less alone. But if you’re in it right now and need real support, please reach out to a licensed therapist in your state who can walk alongside you in your healing journey. Therapy is personal, and you deserve a space that’s all about you. If you’re in PA and looking for a trauma therapist who gets it, I’m currently accepting new clients for trauma intensives. Let’s fast-track your healing journey, because you deserve to feel better, sooner.
Research Brief Author: Mariah J. Zur, M.S., LPC, CCTP
Feeling Stuck After the Holidays? 5 Signs of Post-Holiday Blues and How a Trauma Therapist in Pittsburgh, PA Can Help
Feeling out of sorts after the holidays? You're not alone. This blog explores 5 signs of post-holiday depression in Pennsylvania and how they overlap with Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD). Discover why the emotional crash hits so hard, practical self-care strategies to regain your balance, and when to seek professional help. If you're navigating the winter blues in Pennsylvania, this guide offers relatable insights and actionable steps to help you feel like yourself again.
The holidays are over, and the lights, excitement, and endless to-do lists are behind you. But instead of feeling refreshed, you’re stuck in a fog. If you’ve been battling low energy, anxiety, or a sense of “blah,” you’re not alone. This emotional slump, commonly called the post-holiday blues, is surprisingly common.
For some, these feelings are temporary. For others, especially in places like Pennsylvania with long winters, it could be tied to something deeper, like Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD). Let’s explore the signs, why this happens, and practical ways to feel like yourself again.
How Trauma Therapy in Pittsburgh Can Help Combat Post-Holiday Blues: What Are the Post-Holiday Blues?
The post-holiday blues are a temporary emotional low that hits after the excitement of the holiday season fades. Unlike clinical depression, these feelings are often short-lived and tied to the emotional and physical toll of the holidays.
In regions like Pennsylvania, the overlap with SAD, caused by shorter days and reduced sunlight, makes this time even harder for some people.
Did you know that approximately 24% of individuals with diagnosed mental illnesses report that the holidays make their condition "a lot" worse? (American Counselors Association) And in Pennsylvania specifically, nearly 2 million adults experience mental health challenges annually (HAP Online). These numbers show just how widespread this issue can be.
5 Signs You Might Have Post-Holiday Blues
You Feel Drained, Even After Rest
Despite catching up on sleep, you wake up feeling sluggish and unmotivated.
You Overthink Social Interactions
Maybe you’re replaying conversations from family gatherings, wondering if you said something wrong.
Your Body Feels ‘Off’
Tension headaches, digestive discomfort, or lingering fatigue could all signal stress catching up with you.
You’re Snapping at Loved Ones
Small irritations feel like big problems, leading to arguments or frustration.
You Feel Stuck or Unmotivated
Setting new goals feels overwhelming when your energy is low, making January feel like a slow crawl.
Is It Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD)?
While the post-holiday blues are temporary, Seasonal Affective Disorder is a clinical condition triggered by reduced sunlight and shorter days. In Pennsylvania, the long winters can intensify these symptoms.
Key Overlaps:
Fatigue and low energy
Difficulty concentrating
Mood swings or irritability
What’s Different About SAD?
Symptoms persist for months, not weeks.
Treatments like light therapy or vitamin D supplements can make a noticeable impact.
If you suspect your post-holiday blues are tied to SAD, seeking professional help can make a difference. According to the American Psychiatric Association, January and February are the toughest months for individuals with SAD. (APA)
Answering Your Most Common Questions
1. What Are the Common Signs of Post-Holiday Depression?
Feeling tired, unmotivated, and socially drained are common. You might also notice mood swings or physical discomfort like headaches.
2. How Long Do Post-Holiday Blues Typically Last?
Most people feel better within a few weeks as they return to their routines. If your symptoms persist beyond a month, consider exploring deeper causes like SAD.
3. Are Post-Holiday Blues the Same as SAD?
Not exactly. While they share symptoms, SAD is a more persistent condition tied to a lack of sunlight, requiring specific treatments.
4. What Self-Care Strategies Can Help Alleviate Post-Holiday Depression?
Get outside during daylight hours.
Start with small routines, like morning stretches or meal prepping.
Journal your thoughts to process lingering emotions.
5. When Should Someone Seek Professional Help for Post-Holiday Depression?
If feelings of sadness or fatigue are interfering with your daily life—or if they last more than a month—it’s time to reach out to a therapist.
Looking for therapy options in Pennsylvania? Visit here to learn how I can help.
What the Research Says About Seasonal Affect Disorder
A recent article from Glamour dropped a truth bomb about Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD): approximately 10 million people in the U.S. struggle with this condition, especially during the fall and winter months when sunlight is scarce.
And here’s the kicker: strategies like consistent vitamin D intake, getting outside during daylight hours, and maintaining a healthy diet aren’t just feel-good advice, they’re backed by science as effective ways to manage symptoms.
Why does this work? Because SAD thrives on patterns of isolation, inactivity, and lack of light. When you intentionally disrupt those patterns, whether through movement, light therapy, or even small goals, you’re taking control of your emotional and physical well-being. It’s not about a total life overhaul; it’s about momentum.
Small steps create big shifts, especially in states like Pennsylvania where the winters can feel endlessly gray.
Rural Mental Health Access in Pennsylvania
Many rural Pennsylvanians face limited access to mental health care, with long wait times or few local providers.
Solutions for Better Access:
Telehealth Options: Virtual therapy sessions offer flexibility and convenience.
Community Resources: Nonprofits and local centers often provide affordable or free mental health support.
If you’re in a rural area, teletherapy is an excellent way to get the help you need without long commutes. Learn more about teletherapy by clicking here.
How to Reclaim Your Peace
1. Start Small With Self-Care
Take baby steps, whether that’s drinking more water, stretching in the morning, or journaling before bed.
2. Reset Your Routine
Focus on one area at a time, like going to bed 30 minutes earlier or meal prepping for the week.
3. Practice Gentle Boundaries
If social invites feel overwhelming, it’s okay to decline. Protect your energy and prioritize your needs.
4. Talk to a Therapist
Therapy provides tools to help you break free from emotional ruts.
So, now what?
Post-holiday blues might be common, but you don’t have to navigate them alone. Whether it’s setting gentle boundaries, practicing self-care, or seeking professional support, small steps can make a big difference.
Ready to feel better? Schedule a free consultation with me today. Together, we can work toward reclaiming your peace and joy this winter.
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Research Brief Author: Mariah J. Zur, M.S., LPC, CCTP, Ph.D. (ABD)
Citation: Glamour. (n.d.). Seasonal affective disorder: Science-backed tips to feel better. Retrieved January 17, 2025, from https://www.glamour.com/story/seasonal-affective-disorder-science-backed-tips
Citation: New York Post. (2025, January 2). Psychologists’ 6 tips for battling seasonal affective disorder. Retrieved January 17, 2025, from https://nypost.com/2025/01/02/health/psychologists-6-tips-for-battling-seasonal-affective-disorder/